I miss everyone. I miss my mom and dad. My sisters. My best friends. Even my former co-workers. I miss the routine that I was familiar with in past 3 years. I miss coming home to a group of people with whom I should make proper interaction with, even though we usually didn't (because everyone has a life and were somehow weary of it). I miss every single thing that I had back home. And as to everything else that has ever happened before, I didn't realize how precious they are.
It's probably part of adjusting to a new life, or a mere mechanism that my subconscious mind made when she's faced with very real issues here (friends with wives and kids who go to school, bills that keep on coming and so forth) but here I am, learning to understand myself so hard in order to accept it better.
What that entails: spending most of time alone with myself, listening to my own inner voices, and confronting my deepest, worst fears to tame some parts of me that I haven't made peace with. What I found so far has been kind of... strange.
I feel like nobody should love me.
Self-loathing is so high school. I know that. Still, that doesn't mean that I don't experience it anymore.
And as if that kind of self-loathing doesn't create insecurity and paranoia that aren't crippling enough, trust me, it's so lonely to feel like that in this place. In this country. In this school. With this environment. Nobody actually have time to dwell and indulge in that kind of suffering or whatever self-pity that I'm feeling.
