I kinda hate myself, too

2011 was a rough year for me. Sure, I had a lot of fun, and at least I didn't have to lay in bed for one month due to typhus, but there was just so much drama and dilemma and problem and stuffs that I just can't mention it. Stuffs that unfortunately now I know what it feels like. I can remember every single bitter truths that happen, and I just do, even though I wish I don't. This year made me too busy to even think of a resolution for 2012. There was a lot of sweat and energy used to make this one of my most productive years so far, but I grew tired from it. The only thing that makes me happy about this new year is that, lots of people come and go, but I still have a bunch of people who stay and they're the ones who made me get out of these things alive. I'm really thankful that I didn't have to do it all alone. I'm also thankful that I feel like I have made a huge deal with my insecurities because they're probably still around here somewhere, but I'm getting better at handling it day by day, just like I feel like my dramas made me grow up a little bit more each day. I learned a lot about myself as I'm turning 18, and most of the facts make me sad, but at least I know there are some people who still love me despite my characteristics that make myself sad. I guess what I have to learn for next year is that I cannot be the one who look down on myself; it's one thing to be modest and down-to-earth, but it's another thing to always feel small among others and make myself hate myself. I spent a lot of my times in 2011 thinking about the one that got away, about what could have been if, and I look outside the window almost all the time, wondering what I would've done if I weren't here... wondering if I could do it in another life.

Anyway, let the past be the past. This year's problems didn't kill you? Well, you know you're fine.

Happy new year, fellas. I know you're gonna enjoy it.

You know I love you, I always will

Hello, Christmas holiday.

Emma Thompson being cheated on by Alan Rickman, and then there's Colin Firth proposing to his Portuguese housemaid in Portuguese and in Portugal. Oh look, Hugh Grant is playing Prime Minister dancing in his undies around The 10 Downing Street house and ringing the bell of each of the houses in Wandsworth to search for a chubby assistant he just fired; oh sod off, he's a prime minister! There's Laura Linney, choosing her disadvantaged brother over Rodrigo Santoro, and there's young Thomas Sangster, the prematurely mature boy living with his stepdad who was Liam Neeson and falling in love with an American girl. And then there's Keira Knightley, being the love of the hopeless romantic Andrew Lincoln who loves her indefinitely but she's married to his best friend... Just so you know Lincoln, you can be in The Walking Dead for as long as you wished, but to me, forever you are that fake Christmas carolers on Keira's door telling her that you love her more than Kate Moss.

That means it was time for Love Actually. Merry Christmas and happy holidays, people. Have a wonderful joy.