as we grow up and getting tougher, the road to reach there is rougher than ever. and the truth that it should happen to everybody is undeniable. because we fall in love, we fight against people, we rebel to things... and what I'm feeling right now is, I just don't know what to do with myself.
I lost faith in people because of things that happened to me recently. Friends turn to foes, home turns to a silent cave, everyone's busy with themselves and there are things that would be inappropriate to say here and all of them makes me think of one: I'd rather be dead.
there's this one person who I always have this tension to. I don't know if this is just because I'm mean or full of anger or whtvr, I think people always have someone we intend to kill or make a revenge to or maybe just simply scratch their faces. and sadly I sometimes wish it was never this person.
to hate someone we need reason. if we don't than it would be like hating a stranger sitting on the corner of street: very stupid. and the reason why I hate this person is because... well because I've had my heart hurt a few times and that it seems like this person enjoys torturing people's feelings. I never knew someone so envy-driven like this person before. I know that sometimes envy makes us feel bad about ourselves and that how this person handle it is by making other people whom this person had the envy on, feel bad about themselves, so in the end this person would feel like the greatest of all.
This person is UNBELIEVEABLE.
Surprisingly almost everyone knows and feels the same way and they've all been hurt by this person. Sadly it seems like I'm the only who has to face the bitterness of reality that bites.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Sunday, November 9, 2008
my dreaaaamsss
Hey ya folks, this post is all about me. If I'm crazy, stupid or simply just weird just forgive me coz this is all that I'm thinking of!
First of all, I am reading this ultracool magazine Nylon. I don't know if you think that this magazine is like, costy or anything, I just think that this is very cool, I love it more than other magazines like TeenVogue or Q or GoGirl! whatever it is. This is the October issue, which is 'It Girl Issue' and it's awesome. because if, like me, you like Cory Kennedy, Daisy Lowe, Lou Doillon and Zooey Deschanel, you'll find them all in one magazine!
A few hours ago I read my best friend's blog and she wrote many inspiring things about dreams and future. and I'd love to say it out loud that I have this very big dream in mind, that my parents would never agree about, first of all I wanna be an art museum curator, like for the MoMA or London's Tate Modern. If I can't then I wanna be fashion photographer like Patrick Demarchelier. I found that he's the only one who can make a picture of naked woman to be a real piece of art. My inspirations are people like Andy Warhol, Diana Vreeland, Patrick Demarchelier, Richard Avedon or Irving Penn.
To be like Andy Warhol is an absolute dream because, you know, I know my limits and I can never be as great as him. He's a true legend, you know? He makes me love the Hollywood golden era, I love love love Funny Face, Breakfast at Tiffany's and all. To me, Audrey Hepburn and Edie Sedgwick are incredibly cool people.
I am a dreamer, and I believe my dreams. I always say that I'm a parttime student and a fulltime daydreamer. even during classes I daydream about anything I can. Didn't Mark Twain said, "Don't let school get into your education life?" Unfortunately I live in a nation where school degree is very important, many people here believe in degrees, not experiences and talents and willingnesses. I don't like school, that's why I write this. I'm not a genius at school, that's why I write this. But the true reason why I'm writing this is because school's sucks and it gave you nothing in the end.
Right now I'm listening to Damien Rice's album, 'O'. I don't know whether I'm unlucky or what, I couldn't find it in Indonesia, so I bought it in Oxford. And it's so brilliant I really love it. Jadul sih, but it's still very genius and I recommend you to listen to this record. Besides, I love Rufus Wainwright. He makes music like no one else (well, I'm just exaggerating) but it sounds so sweet. I don't care whether people say he's gay or anything, I just love his music. I even think that gays are cool people.
Most of the gays I know are amazingly cool people, trust me. They do everything based on their hearts that not every straight people have. So, don't judge people because they're gay. Look, I know that bands like Jonas Brothers or Coldplay are identically linked with gayness but people love them. and if the Jonases are gay, so what? Andy Warhol was (suspiciously) gay and he was so amazing.
In TV series like Ugly Betty, usually I like the gay people. I love Marc St. James (played by Michael Urie) in Ugly Betty, I think he has a golden heart. and the way he dress doesn't get my eyes bleeding.
Speaking of TV series, I like The Hills and I'm impatiently waiting for Whitney's The City. People might say it's ridiculous but I'm thinking that it's better than watching American Idol. I even like Kimora:Life in The Fab Lane. I see Kimora Lee Simmons as the way better version of Julia Perez. they're both sexy, bold and crazy with good sense of humour. I prefer Julia Perez than Dewi Persik, for God's sake!
First of all, I am reading this ultracool magazine Nylon. I don't know if you think that this magazine is like, costy or anything, I just think that this is very cool, I love it more than other magazines like TeenVogue or Q or GoGirl! whatever it is. This is the October issue, which is 'It Girl Issue' and it's awesome. because if, like me, you like Cory Kennedy, Daisy Lowe, Lou Doillon and Zooey Deschanel, you'll find them all in one magazine!
A few hours ago I read my best friend's blog and she wrote many inspiring things about dreams and future. and I'd love to say it out loud that I have this very big dream in mind, that my parents would never agree about, first of all I wanna be an art museum curator, like for the MoMA or London's Tate Modern. If I can't then I wanna be fashion photographer like Patrick Demarchelier. I found that he's the only one who can make a picture of naked woman to be a real piece of art. My inspirations are people like Andy Warhol, Diana Vreeland, Patrick Demarchelier, Richard Avedon or Irving Penn.
To be like Andy Warhol is an absolute dream because, you know, I know my limits and I can never be as great as him. He's a true legend, you know? He makes me love the Hollywood golden era, I love love love Funny Face, Breakfast at Tiffany's and all. To me, Audrey Hepburn and Edie Sedgwick are incredibly cool people.
I am a dreamer, and I believe my dreams. I always say that I'm a parttime student and a fulltime daydreamer. even during classes I daydream about anything I can. Didn't Mark Twain said, "Don't let school get into your education life?" Unfortunately I live in a nation where school degree is very important, many people here believe in degrees, not experiences and talents and willingnesses. I don't like school, that's why I write this. I'm not a genius at school, that's why I write this. But the true reason why I'm writing this is because school's sucks and it gave you nothing in the end.
Right now I'm listening to Damien Rice's album, 'O'. I don't know whether I'm unlucky or what, I couldn't find it in Indonesia, so I bought it in Oxford. And it's so brilliant I really love it. Jadul sih, but it's still very genius and I recommend you to listen to this record. Besides, I love Rufus Wainwright. He makes music like no one else (well, I'm just exaggerating) but it sounds so sweet. I don't care whether people say he's gay or anything, I just love his music. I even think that gays are cool people.
Most of the gays I know are amazingly cool people, trust me. They do everything based on their hearts that not every straight people have. So, don't judge people because they're gay. Look, I know that bands like Jonas Brothers or Coldplay are identically linked with gayness but people love them. and if the Jonases are gay, so what? Andy Warhol was (suspiciously) gay and he was so amazing.
In TV series like Ugly Betty, usually I like the gay people. I love Marc St. James (played by Michael Urie) in Ugly Betty, I think he has a golden heart. and the way he dress doesn't get my eyes bleeding.
Speaking of TV series, I like The Hills and I'm impatiently waiting for Whitney's The City. People might say it's ridiculous but I'm thinking that it's better than watching American Idol. I even like Kimora:Life in The Fab Lane. I see Kimora Lee Simmons as the way better version of Julia Perez. they're both sexy, bold and crazy with good sense of humour. I prefer Julia Perez than Dewi Persik, for God's sake!
Saturday, November 1, 2008
In Love We Can't Trust
People fall in love, people fall too deep in love, just so that in the end knowing that it leads them to hurtful life or somewhat brighter. Love is probably the most unique thing ever happened in a man's life. once you have it, you don't really wanna release it even when life offers you something bigger. but what sounds bigger doesn't mean better.
As a teenager I see people fall in love everyday, which is kind of beautiful. They fall in different ways.
ada yang menggembar-gemborkan siapa gebetannya, where and how they met today, what they said to each other.
ada yang dieeeem aja. nggak mau cerita apa-apa, takut takabur atau apalah.
ada yang pengennya diceng-cengin, dan biasanya inilah yang paling annoying.
ada juga yang saking clueless-nya dia jatuh cinta atau nggak, pura-pura nggak ada apa-apa padahal keliatan banget ada apa-apanya.
ada yang sangat sangat sangat terobsesi sama gebetannya itu sampe tau segalanya tentang dia, padahal kenal aja nggak. yang kayak gini nih yang tau banget apa gunanya teknologi and why they invented Friendster, Facebook, Myspace, Blogs or whatsoever.
gue sendiri, when I fall in love, gue akan diem aja. tapi tentu aja yang namanya muka nggak bisa diboongin, so usually people know when I'm in love if my eyes say so, love is just a feeling that I cannot hide even if I want to.
but I haven't been in love for a while, not because I'm too busy or anything, but it's like, err.... you know, I don't know if I can do that anymore. I'm not broken-hearted, I had had that feeling long ago.
One of my hopeless friend said, "You're so lucky to be in that position."
I'm definitely no. This is no luck. When you live without love, or just with other love like from your parents or siblings (because though they're amazingly precious, they lasts forever and if you can't have it now you can grab it tomorrow!), your days would be like a black piece of white paper. and your nights... there's no more stars above your head, there's only a dark, empty sky. So everytime you fall in love, fall like you'll never fall again. Never forget to remember that falling in love is hard to do. Love doesn't come everyday, so why waste it? You can't fall in love with everybody, and, when you do, instead of saying like, "No, this boy I like is ugly." say, "I don't what you see him, but I feel like he's the most gorgeous man on the planet! I don't what makes me!"
As a teenager I see people fall in love everyday, which is kind of beautiful. They fall in different ways.
ada yang menggembar-gemborkan siapa gebetannya, where and how they met today, what they said to each other.
ada yang dieeeem aja. nggak mau cerita apa-apa, takut takabur atau apalah.
ada yang pengennya diceng-cengin, dan biasanya inilah yang paling annoying.
ada juga yang saking clueless-nya dia jatuh cinta atau nggak, pura-pura nggak ada apa-apa padahal keliatan banget ada apa-apanya.
ada yang sangat sangat sangat terobsesi sama gebetannya itu sampe tau segalanya tentang dia, padahal kenal aja nggak. yang kayak gini nih yang tau banget apa gunanya teknologi and why they invented Friendster, Facebook, Myspace, Blogs or whatsoever.
gue sendiri, when I fall in love, gue akan diem aja. tapi tentu aja yang namanya muka nggak bisa diboongin, so usually people know when I'm in love if my eyes say so, love is just a feeling that I cannot hide even if I want to.
but I haven't been in love for a while, not because I'm too busy or anything, but it's like, err.... you know, I don't know if I can do that anymore. I'm not broken-hearted, I had had that feeling long ago.
One of my hopeless friend said, "You're so lucky to be in that position."
I'm definitely no. This is no luck. When you live without love, or just with other love like from your parents or siblings (because though they're amazingly precious, they lasts forever and if you can't have it now you can grab it tomorrow!), your days would be like a black piece of white paper. and your nights... there's no more stars above your head, there's only a dark, empty sky. So everytime you fall in love, fall like you'll never fall again. Never forget to remember that falling in love is hard to do. Love doesn't come everyday, so why waste it? You can't fall in love with everybody, and, when you do, instead of saying like, "No, this boy I like is ugly." say, "I don't what you see him, but I feel like he's the most gorgeous man on the planet! I don't what makes me!"
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