A Sky Full of Stars

I always promised myself that this is it. This is the last time I would write about you. This is the last few words I would ever produce about you--it may not be much, but it's millions compared to the zero words that you ever gave me. But we never lied to anyone more than we lied to ourselves. Of course I will break my promise again. Of course I'm about to do it again now.

It's such a beautiful night outside. I don't live in a place where stars are fond of showing up before midnight, so when they do, it almost makes me cry. I like walking home alone at night--it's soothing, calming, and it's the only time of the day where I don't have to listen to anyone other than the voices inside my head. It's when I'm being most of myself. And I can't find a bigger happiness than that, even if it usually ends up with me in tears.

I have a feeling that I have never stopped writing because I believe I will find you through my writings. I firmly understand that this is me, making an effort so that you can reach me out... so that you can find me. Because the world has too many turns and blocks, it's so easy to get lost even when we're not hiding.

I promised, through one of my writings, that I will find you in the seventh winter we'd spent apart. Pretty soon, it will be the sixth. Whether or not I'll find you in the seventh winter is still a mystery. The bigger possibility is, obviously, I won't. But sometimes my writings work like magic; they probably don't come true, but they hit close to home. I know that writing about that here now will probably jinx it, but... it's too beautiful a night with the sky full of stars that guide me home not to be thinking of you.

I will always miss you. I will always remember you: in the darkest of night, through a song, through a magical starry night, through a glimpse of memory that took me back in time. You have never been far; and my memory of you is now mixed up with the things that probably never happened--but lives dearly in my memory anyway.

Treasured memory is a piece of life that shall never be gone. I'd like to believe that you are so deeply engraved in my heart that even though one day life takes away my memory, they can never take the ones about you anywhere. Because you're staying here. Because it's not me not moving on in my life. It's me--holding on to hope, even in the absence of it.