The December Playlist

December is a funny oxymoron thing. It's the time of the year where ambition has run slow, while optimism is at its highest. It brings the most melancholia out of the twelve months we're given in a year, what with the grey sky and sweater weather, and the sudden urge of staring out the window while sipping a cup of hot tea... 

I'm not gonna lie, but it's my most favourite activity in December. Last year, I spent the whole month sitting in a Starbucks sipping my favourite hot green tea latte, overlooking a desolate man-made lake, reading my terribly boring law books, with the bluest Christmas love songs playing on the background. Now, look me in the eye and tell me that doesn't make you want to jump into the lake and drown along with all the freaking algae growing sporadically down under. Ugh.

Today, however, even though the situation is different, I'm not saying that it's better. It's not better, it's just different. But now at least, even though I still want to jump into said lake sometimes, I've got my own sad songs playlist that should accompany me for that very dramatic drowning scene---because I'm a big girl and I can decide for myself now.

So here it is, my top 10 sad songs that plays in my head all through December (I won't cheat by putting all my favourite folk songs together, swear in the name of Ray LaMontagne!):

1. A Case of You by Joni Mitchell

The way this woman sings is what I'd call beautiful and painful. She should be the only woman singing on the background of every movie scene where the prettiest girl at the party is always the saddest. Try not feel your heart squeezed like a fresh lemon while listening to this song, I dare you.

PS: There's a cover of this song by James Blake, which is so wonderfully beautiful, and it will rip your heart open like never before. 

2. Into My Arms by Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds

This song is sad, romantic, depressing, and overall melancholic, all at the same time. It's the perfect song for when you desperately love someone but God was the only one you can talk to because other people can't know---they just can't. The love is too intense and secret and beautiful for everybody to find out. This is that song. Because when you know someone will choose the kind of God he will worship based on whether or not He will bring you to him, you know that someone is crazy, possibly creepy, but crazy about you nonetheless.

3. Strange and Beautiful (I'll Put A Spell on You) by Aqualung

Aqualung is the expert of singing about love. This one, though, is my favourite 'unrequited love' song that gets to haunt me every single time.  It's hopeful, sad, and self-conscious; like that time you were looking at your coolest senior in high school even though he never cared, but you wish that there is a way that he would, and you secretly want to cast a spell on him. It's that desperate, really.

4. I Can't Make You Love Me by Bonnie Raitt

Everybody knows that one of the most heartbreaking moments in someone's life is the first time they realise that they can't make someone love them no matter how much they try. Actually, someone's love life can't get harder than that. Maybe. Most likely. And there's also a cover by Bon Iver. Because Bon Iver likes to get people to bawl their eyes out, apparently.

5. Gale Song by The Lumineers

I'm not #TeamGale, but listen to this song and imagine being Gale: The Alpha male. The strong, handsome man in the middle of desperate, dusty miners who's in love with the super-feminist, strong-headed woman who doesn't need you. You really wish there is something you can do; when she's whimpering in pain, when she's stressed out and depressed as hell... But there isn't any way that you can help to fight for her. You can only see her through the screen. And eventually, after so much hopeless stares through the pictures... You've gotta let her go.

*sobs*

6. The Scientist by Coldplay

I was thinking of putting any of the songs from their most recent album, Ghost Stories, but then decided that The Scientist remains the saddest, moodiest song Coldplay has ever produced. And the music video--oh, the music video. Tell me you didn't cry when you re-watch it, listened to the lyrics, and having that someone from your past haunting you back just in time you were ready to be happy again. Tell me. 

7. Rosyln by Bon Iver & St. Vincent

Every single of Bon Iver's songs sounds like the coldest day of winter in Middle Earth. But this? This song sounds like a worn-out wanderer walking through Middle Earth in the coldest day of winter, starving, teeth bleeding and crying with blood-shot eyes. And it's not even half his journey. 

8. Happiness by The Fray

We must be old enough by now to know that sometimes, something that happen in our life can be both happiness and sorrow. Sometimes, we're sad when we should be happy. And sometimes, I long for happiness just when life keeps on sending me reasons to be sad. But it's a good life. Hold on.

9. Cold Water by Damien Rice

Sadness can feel like it's giving you chills; it can feel like drowning in a sea of cold water with no one there to help you back to the surface. Sometimes sadness can feel like singing with your eyes all teary and all your power used up to hold back your tears. And sometimes, sadness can feel like listening to this song; and it's much better than the other two.

10. How by Regina Spektor

Letting go of someone (or something) can be messy. And this song sums it up: not wanting the memories to fade, but knowing full well that time will come and heal everything, and that someday somewhere, they'll meet again. But at the moment, you are a guest here now.