Adulthood

Hey everyone, how's life? Or even better, how's adulthood?

Personally, it's crazy. It's been a constant roller coaster between paying the bills, taxes, saving up money for future plans, making a living and keeping friends close. This is exactly the things adults never tell kids to enhance those 'I can't wait to grow up' sayings. This is, in part, a great set up.

I realized that I haven't been here for over a month and by God, I miss you guys! *sigh. I'm not sure if anyone is still reading this page. I don't even care. In part because I write for myself, and another part because I'm not writing so that my voice is heard. I'm writing so that I could let some of these words and ideas constantly grilling inside my head made their way into the world.

So, how's adulthood? 

I do hope that at least one of you finds it enjoyable, because personally, I think adulthood is tricky. It's exciting, yes. But it's not as exciting when every payday it just reminds you that you have bills to pay. You have to save up and invest in something. You have to pay the taxes (this guy is the necessary evil, I'm telling you). You have to make sure that you have time for your family, for your friends, your lover............or lack thereof. 

Yes, sometimes I'm contemplating my own state of adulthood and I just end up thinking, "It would've been a lot easier if I had found someone with whom I will spend the rest of my life with." You know, because then, figuring out how my future would look like is going to be easier. 

But you know what, I kind of hate myself for that (yeah, I know I hate myself a lot already). I hate that I think I need someone to define my future when my future is mine, and it doesn't have to depend on anybody else. I may get married someday, but who or what my husband is doesn't have to define who or what I am as my own person. I may be a woman, but my life is not less a life than my husband's.

You might be thinking, is she a feminist? Well, it's quiet a phenomenal word right now, and sometimes it's been taken out of context. I'm not proclaiming myself one because as much as I believe in women's rights (whatever it is that real feminists tell you), I do enjoy being a woman in a man's man's world. Just the other day, I was in a situation where my being a woman proved as an advantage in a place where the male bureaucrats rarely see a woman wearing lipstick. I know, even that is a sign that women aren't being treated the same as men and it's probably even degrading in a sense. But you see, sometimes feminism isn't about gender equality. In more than one occasion, it's about indulging in privileges. So maybe, in a sense, I am a feminist.

What I'm trying to tell you, I guess, is this: Adulthood is about knowing who you are. It's not too late to find out who you are. No. We'll never know if we're actually late bloomers. But knowing who you are helps. Knowing who you are lessens your worries and saves you a lot of time. Knowing who you are makes you actually look age appropriate---adult. Knowing who you are is good. Because even if you are one day proven to be wrong about who you think you are, at least you had a good start.