The point that I always talked about when we first met. The very point that I always knew was coming, but never really thought of how imminent it is. Until now.
Until we said our good bye. Until we hold our last hug. Until we exchanged our last smile.
I always knew you were a lesson, not a blessing. Always knew that everything about us was temporary.
Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt when it comes the time for you to be my past.
To talk about you in past tense.
To keep you in my memory as a fragment of the past.
A fragment that I may or may not carry with me fifty, sixty years from now.
Because in spite of everything that happened in between; in spite of how my mind is always telling me something it deliberately assumes about you without ever actually talking to you... I always knew that everyone else was just a replacement of you.
A temporary replacement.
So temporary, in fact, that even when they should be the back up... Eventually you are the back up of them. Eventually, I ran back to you.
I know things changed.
I know that even six months ago, you weren't in that place anymore. My fickle mind, however, had just caught up and reached that place when it realized what it's missing.
It's late. I feel cold. Sad and broken at the same time. I'm afraid I'd never see you again. You tried to fill me with hope, but the precedents are not on your side and I can't live on hope. Enough of that from you for a lifetime.
A2, MI, USA
Aug 4th, 2018
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