Time Can Come and Take Away the Pain

I remember when your name popped up on my screen once again. After a long hiatus. After a long, long, silence on your part.

Yes, I knew it did not work out. I knew that I recovered from our long, cold good bye. I knew that you love her--you have, for a very long time by then. I have always known that you are going to marry her eventually. Because, as much as I did not see it coming a few years earlier, I know that you are meant for each other. I know that she offers you everything you have been looking for in a person. Particularly, in a person you are going to spend the rest of your life with.

And I was never that. 

I was fickle. I was detached. I was cold. I was emotionally unavailable. I know, because I am all of that.

And you don't deserve that.

But even that day--that very day when you name appeared on my screen again... I was hoping that you'd remember what we had been through. You would acknowledge what happened. You were aware that that could be us.

And, you were aware. You did acknowledge that. So even though I could never, never ever say it directly to you... Thank you. Thank you for not erasing me. Thank you for not making me feel invisible. Thank you for always, always being the you that I have always known back then.

It has been years and time has come and taken away every single pain I felt when it was over. Thanks to those rough months--those rough, miserable months of trying to get over you, I learned how to treat the pain. How to heal and mend the broken heart and fix whatever is damaged... in private. By myself (and a little help from my friends).

Thanks to those months, I know I can do this one now. I know I'll get through it.

So thank you. For everything.

When My Body Won't Hold Me Anymore

I always feel like... Like everyone attending The Avett Brothers' concert are very kind, humble people. And the reason is because they are people who have been brokenhearted before, people who know pain... People who know what it's like get hurt. So when they were there together, there was only love, only kindness. Is that the case with you, too? You've been brokenhearted and in pain?

She choked. Her mind flashed back to all of the pain she has tried to suppressed while listening to the song. The very song that helped her heal.The very song that, each and every time she tried to rise above the pain that she was feeling, she listens to intensely to manipulate her brain into thinking that she has absolutely no hard feelings for anyone who has hurt her. Who has left her in deep pains. 

I have a feeling that people who like this band... They're the type of person who's addicted to listening to sad songs, you know? Like me. I listen to sad, depressing songs on a daily basis.

She stopped and watched the music video, playing on the smart tv that was hanging by the wall. She remembers the very instance when somebody she used to know showed her a playlist called Life Sucks and laughed it of... only for her to admit that almost all of those songs she actually listens to on a daily basis. Because, as she put it mildly, "Maybe because my life does suck."

The band's leading members, Seth and Scott Avett, were sitting on a chair with another man who, apparently, had had his daughter died of cancer, while singing emotionally and shot in black and white film. 

He runs his fingers gently on her legs, who were sitting on his laps, eyes locked on her face as she tries so hard to fight the urge to cry. She remembers those sombre days, walking as far as she could until her legs hurt. She thinks of the many moments when she was both sad and angry, with nothing she could do about those complicated, foreign emotions. She wonders if he could her the shoutings in her brain: I have no enemies. I have no enemies. I have no enemies. I have no enemies. I do not hate him.