So many choices, but they're all disappointments

Science teaches us that in times of sadness or upsetting situations, eat chocolate. Because chocolate has some kind of chemicals in it that would make you happy. Despite whether or not it's true, I always eat chocolate when those kind of moods coming and at least that way I can suggest myself to be happy. Because unhappiness is sometimes unbearable. Because unhappiness leads to depression, and depression is not cool. It's the most selfish psychological situation because it makes you only think about you and yourself, like you're the most miserable person in the whole of universe. Unhappiness is hard. You try to give yourself suggestion that, "This too shall pass." "You'll be alright. Everything will be alright." "People has had it worse." But guess what, it doesn't make you feel any better. Giving yourself suggestion that the end will be a happy ending is not gonna make you less of the miserable being that you are right now, because you can't see the ending, and you can't even believe if it's going to end someday, somewhat, somehow. Sometimes when there's too much, I just wanna cry. Really, it would've been much easier if I could just cry all over it but even that kind of cheesy thing, I can't do. Girls like me believe that crying would make you feel better. At least crying would put you in sleep and tuck you in to your comfy blankets, very unlike my worries. Actually, maybe the world isn't so mean. Maybe it's just me being hormonal teenagers and it's just my teen angst. Maybe it's not a series of disappointments. And yes, I'll be fine. I remember that I've sort of felt the same way before, and I came out of it just fine, happy. But like every other depression, somehow I think this time I just got it worse than ever. Maybe it's just me. Maybe it's just part of growing up. And yes, I'll always be fine. 

Heartbreak Warfare

It's Sunday and it's been a tough week for both my academic, social and private lives, and Saturday night was when it's all come to the worst. Someone has always told me that hearts do break, though it doesn't mean they were made to be broken. And when you're dreaming with a broken heart... no, it doesn't happen to me. When I have a broken heart I don't wanna go to sleep, because I can't sleep, because heartbreaks are painful. Very, very painful, and this pain I feel make me sleepless. I wonder how I could feel so brokenhearted when I didn't even feel a thing towards somebody before. I mean, I don't know what happened. I might kind of like him years ago, and it's really YEARS, but it wasn't anything serious or big or anything. Now what happened? Why do I feel this pain? What kind of pain is this? I need someone to talk to, but this kind of matter isn't very important that people won't understand. I must be too sensitive or just stupid. The two pictures above shows exactly how I feel and what I wanna say right now.

Dear my 16 year old self

Soon you'll realize that, yes, promises are made to be broken. Those pessimists didn't lie. Be prepared to be greatly and utterly disappointed. Keep in mind that you're not the disappointment, and don't blame anybody; things happen for a reason. Just because you suck at math and clueless about calculus doesn't mean you're stupid and wouldn't go to college. You will, just not the college you thought you'll be in, and not the field you think you'd do. Nothing goes as you planned. But you'll learn so much as you move out of home. You'll learn that you can learn to love what you have, since many times, you cannot have what you love. Good luck with college entrance test. You're probably not smart, but you'll get lucky ;)

Everything reminded me of you what can I do?

Citta de Vaticano

London, I knew you so well. One night is not enough, at all! I've had great times with you, and we'll have so much fun next time. There will always be next time for us, I promise.
Paris, I love you. You are so amazing. You are so beautiful and so much fun. You are grande! I wish a much longer time to stay, there are still so many places I wanna see. You never disappoint. And please don't.
Amsterdam, you are the epitome of home to me. You feel so familiar and I like how people treat Indonesians like me. Thank you so much for being a home in a place ten thousand miles away.
Germany, thank God I learned Deutsch for 3 years. Thank God you have one of the most beautiful races in the world. Thank God you're so clean and discipline. God bless your charged toilets. Danke.
Switzerland, you are so peaceful. You are so charming and beautiful. You are so sweet, you have the best chocolates and candies in the world. Keep being amazing. I'll see you soon but maybe not the Alps. I can't stand the cold.
Milano, how do you manage to have so many beautiful, stylish people? Where did you get them all from? Insanely full of living mannequins! And how do you manage to keep me seeing things that remind me of the most memorable Italian so far? I saw via Torino, via Carlo Cattaneo everywhere, like each time I turned my head to see a street sign.... I hate you. Oh no Milano, ti amo!
Venezia, you are so amazing, just you know. You are, and you must know it. But I cried the day I came to you, amore mio. Why is that? Well, at least I learned that promises are made by happy people who were just overwhelmed and thus ready to make any promises. And yet, promises are made to be broken, so don't set your hopes too high. Thank you for making me learn this. Grazie mille.
Roma, I don't get why people are more into Paris than you. Truth is, you are far more interesting. Full stop.
Vatican, you chose the right artist. Michaelangelo is perfect. The art, the architecture is classic but timeless, et c'est ci parfait!