Perfection of your face slows me down

Seriously, I could stare into those eyes forever. Had I been able to draw, I would draw his jaw and perfect cheekbones at this very moment. I could watch those lips smile and saying sweet nothings every minute of every day, not to mention those words will be spoken in a lovely British accent. And yeah damn right, he's straight. God only knows how many straight men are actually working in the fashion industry these days. David Gandy is perfection.

Cri du coeur

Because of some friends started singing a Damien Rice song called The Rat Within the Grain and made the song stuck in my head like a cancer, I spontaneously typed his name on Google and found a long, but rather nice interview of him because honestly he's just one of those very arty-farty musicians who hardly ever speak for a proper interview. I was in junior high when I first heard of his song The Blower's Daughter, his repetitive and haunting, cold and bittersweet ballad, on the radio playing again and again. I didn't know what's the thing with the song, because it wasn't easy-listening, not catchy or anything but it just stuck in my head somehow. A couple of years later, I remember it crystal clear that I found his first record O in an HMV store in a suburban mall, on the back of Harrow on The Hill tube station in London, and I bought it along with a P.S. I Love You soundtrack because they cost only 8 pounds for two (O might be cheap because the record had been a few years old at the time, but the soundtrack? maybe because it was too cheesy for the Britons. I don't know, but it was also really good.) I didn't think that it would be one of my all-time favorite record, all I knew was, "This is the guy whose melancholic song magically stuck in my head all the way through junior high." And yet, as it turns out, it was the best 4 pounds I have ever spent in my life so far! (My favorite track of his, Accidental Babies and Desafinado, are not featured in the record, though) Little did I know that The Blower's Daughter was also featured as a soundtrack to Closer, one of the bitterest, coldest, rawest movie I've ever seen. The song and the movie matched perfectly, I can say, both are so raw and bitter and cold that watching it makes me shiver all the time and all throughout the movie. You can read the interview here and find what a sweet guy he really is. Here's a hint before you read:

The last ten years has seen the Kildare singer-songwriter selling truckloads of albums, repeatedly touring the globe, hearing his songs soundtrack hit movies, being romantically linked with an A-list Hollywood actress, and performed with the likes of Christy Moore and Leonard Cohen ("a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, gracious, eloquent man"). You'd think that Rice must be spoilt for choice of momentous moments. But he doesn't hesitate before answering: "meeting Lisa Hannigan".

The lowest point?

He smiles, wistfully: "Lisa Hannigan not wanting to talk to me anymore"

"I would give away all of the music success", he says, "all the songs, and the whole experience to still have Lisa in my life. Like that!", he tells me, snapping his fingers. "No question."

The Waltz Only A Queen Deserves

Above: Jonathan Safran Foer's Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close; Below: Nicole Krauss' The History of Love

I would like to marry a writer someday. I don't care even though they write an article about never date a writer. I would like someone who's literate, someone who can just sit on the sofa with me side to side reading each of our own books while a slow, classic music was playing, like what George Falconer do with his boyfriend Jim in A Single Man. But most of all, I would like my name to be the only one written on the first page of his book, where he'd show off his dedication and love for me to the world by writing such short words. To me, it would be like carving your lover's name on a rock, or make it a tattoo on your body; it's a full dedication and it's really romantic without being creepy or freaky. I wanna be able to do exactly what Foer and Krauss do to each other. I don't care if wanting my name to be written there is selfish. I think it's really sweet, much to the fact that Foer is a romantic himself. If you are so curious, Foer wrote an essay in a book called A Convergence of Birds that became my inspiration for one of my old posts Teenage Dream. Below, you can read the origin of the art museum meeting idea.

Half Evaluation

I'm currently reading The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath, which at first was rather difficult for me because Plath was originally a poet and I can say the book started off as being so poetic and dramatic it was not like reading a novel at all. At the moment I've come to half of the book, I just realized how much I can relate to Esther Greenwood and most of her thoughts and the world around her. It's scary sometimes because it's like Sylvia Plath could read into my mind long before I was even born and put those thoughts on Esther. I'm not as depressed as her, though yes, I found several things in life to be sort of depressing. But like her, I enjoy writing and I like the fact that she got a chance to work at a woman's magazine, and the fact that she has someone like Buddy Willard in her life (This is where I'm so not Esther. Buddy is a med student and a handsome, charming, Yale guy. I would forgive him for the fact that he's not as pure as I am) and painfully, also the part where she felt like she's been inadequate in a long time, only she never realized it before. It's terrible that I feel the same way she does, but reading this makes me think that I'm not alone, and Esther is around my age so I mustn't be the only one feeling inadequate in this world. I like the conversation between Esther and Buddy about her being neurotic, and about that Eric guy who thinks that if he really loves a girl, he would keep her from all that dirty business we call sex. I don't really read books written by woman before because they're mostly romance and I don't really like reading romance, despite my deep love for romcom movies, but this one definitely worth the exception.

“I could never settle down in either the country or the city… what’s so neurotic about that?”

Buddy didn’t answer.

“Well?” I rapped out.

“Nothing,” Buddy said in a pale, still voice.

“Neurotic, ha!” I let out a scornful laugh. “If neurotic is wanting two mutually exclusive things at one and the same time, then I’m neurotic as hell. I’ll be flying back and forth between one mutually exclusive thing and another for the rest of my days.”

Buddy put his hand on mine.

“Let me fly with you.”

A Piece of This Generation

I went to Singapore this weekend for two reasons: shopping and Harry Potter. Okay well, I need to be honest in my own blog. Honestly there's only one reason, which is the reason #1 but the second one stands because I planned to go to the cinema once I'm there and I chose that one. I have to tell you this: I'm not a Harry Potter reader and not a fan either. But even then, I have to say that the movie was fantastic! It's probably not Oscar-worthy or something like that, but it's fantastic in a way that it's the last part of such a huge saga, and truth be told that the Harry Potter series is our generation's heritage (I need to say more, because I don't really wanna inherit the Twilight saga). I can see myself someday buying my kids the Harry Potter series if they love fantasy books (or books in general), or playing those 8 movies in marathon at home with my family, and even better, I can see Harry Potter as a classic literature, like maybe new and extended version of Tolkien's Lord of The Rings. I know I'm not a fan, so I'm not gonna say a lot about the movie compared to the books or something like that. But as a dummy in all things Harry Potter, I shed some tears at the end of the movie, because like the director said, "...so practically, when you come to the movies to see this movie, it's like saying goodbye to the people you've been so well for the past 10 years..." It is undeniable that we grew up with Harry Potter. I grew up with it too, even though I never really enjoyed it before. When the movie ended, I can think of some fanatics that would feel like, "Okay, my life is complete now. I could die happy." And after 10 years of watching people around me getting crazed over some witch kid in Lennon-esque glasses, I finally see the glory in it. One great thing about Harry Potter is that it teaches us about bravery. Just like good looks, you cannot teach courage; it is something you learn by doing, and we might don't have the kind of courage Potter had, but we'd seen him (and read, for that matter) so that someday we will be ready to fight some Voldemorts out there. Cheers to JK Rowling and her amazing characters. She is practically one of the most admirable writers of our time.

I needed to make a choice and I choose me

I cannot tell you how low my lowest point is, but this time could be it. Psychologically, I'm a very internally motivated person. I've kept going on in life because I've been self-motivating myself and usually I never need anyone's support to make a choice or to get through things in life. I thought this was a good thing because that makes me independent and somehow a little stronger because I don't need anyone else. But this time I see the downside. It's so hard to get up again after someone or something has let me down, and the pain is heart-wrenching, and it hurts way too much that it's getting unbearable so the tears can't even start to roll down. Now I know I'm not as strong as I thought I am, or maybe I am, but someone is stronger than me (because there will always be someone better than me, just like there's still a sky above the sky, though I'm not sure about the sky part). I've been hated and hating before, but hate is a strong word I never actually mean to say when I said it. You should remind this: Hate is a strong word; don't use it just to make yourself feel so powerful. Power didn't come from you looking at people from below your nose; it comes from you feeling so small in front of them but you manage to overcome that fear and make them listen to what you have to say.

You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life. -Winston Churchill

So what I do, I take some time alone and alienating myself from the world. I'm so good at being anonymous.