When you said "Be right back", that's when I cry. I want you to be right, but I don't want you back. 

A-hole

I had to decide this on my own because, I'm sorry, but you were being an asshole. You were being the jerk that, sadly, I always knew you could be. All I want is to tell you the truth. No sugar-coated facts, nothing was made up just to make it sounds better when it really didn't. I want you to understand how bitter and hard it really is for me. Because I thought that's what you always did. And back then I didn't judge you. I didn't call you an idiot. I didn't smack you on the face with the truth that I actually had. I didn't really let you know what I think about it because I know it would hurt, and I'm done hurting. I want to practice being kind instead of being right. But I guess, like all things, you don't understand it. You don't get it. You could do the things that I never asked, but you're always incapable of doing the things that I demanded you to do. I guess it's hard for you to understand me, because we don't live life based on the same part of the human brain. But that's alright, too. I had come to the conclusion that I have to decide, and therefore I decided that I should jeopardize what we have. It will be hard for me. I guess. But I had to choose, and I chose me.

I didn't owe you

This is why I have spent days (and nights) trying to spare me some distance from you. I needed the space so I can try to find out what it is that always seems a bit off; that never quiet fill what's supposed to be filled. I'm not sure you will understand this, but I have lived my entire life on things that aren't meant to be rational. I don't understand probably 80% of things that happened in my life, or the faith that I keep, or the belief I believe, and yet I can still live. And there's nothing wrong with that, because I am not entitled to explain myself, or my life, to anyone. I didn't owe anybody anything. I don't even owe you and explanation. I can just go, trust my instincts and live my life the way I have always done. 

When I'm awfully low

Being sick means I can lay in my bed all day, curl up under the blanket beneath my shivering skin and the wound up bones that hurting every inch of my being. Being sick means I can live in my pajamas all day and ignoring baths and still be socially-accepted (at least at home). Being sick also means that I can sort of shamelessly feel deserving of people's attention, even if it's only a simple get well soon. And lastly, being sick also means you can whine about it all day and everyone will feel bad for you, instead of, you know, judging you for feeling like the most miserable person in the world.

No, I'm not trying to romanticize the truth about being sick, nor am I trying to say that I like being sick (because I HATE IT). I'm writing this to remind you of the details that you might forget to enjoy while you're bedridden with flu and has a face like boiled prawns. I'm writing this to support the idea of seizing the day, even when your right to being healthy and fit to go ouside was taken away from you.