This is why I have spent days (and nights) trying to spare me some distance from you. I needed the space so I can try to find out what it is that always seems a bit off; that never quiet fill what's supposed to be filled. I'm not sure you will understand this, but I have lived my entire life on things that aren't meant to be rational. I don't understand probably 80% of things that happened in my life, or the faith that I keep, or the belief I believe, and yet I can still live. And there's nothing wrong with that, because I am not entitled to explain myself, or my life, to anyone. I didn't owe anybody anything. I don't even owe you and explanation. I can just go, trust my instincts and live my life the way I have always done.
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