L is for the way you look at me

There is a reason why it is very hard for me to open up to you.

It's not because I don't want to, or because I'm not ready. And I am not pushing you away. The reason why I do what I do is because I have lived without you before, and my life was good, and I'm afraid that once I let you in, you'll change everything for me.

Because you have the power to do so. You're probably unaware of it, but it's certainly there. I'm afraid that once you're here, I would really enjoy it... until you're not there anymore. I don't wanna wake up one day just to realize that you're gone. That you won't be here anymore. That you, just like everybody else, have left.

I don't wanna get used to your presence, not because I don't want you, but more because I don't wanna get hurt. I know what it feels like to be vulnerable, and just like everybody else, I don't like it. Our mistakes have a tendency to make us learn, but they also tend to make us traumatic over the changes in the course of our lives. One day you will realize that I'm a mess; and I'm probably a mess that you don't wanna clean up.

Love takes courage, and to love at all one must put on their brave suit. I don't know when I will take the chance and give you the key. I don't know if you would still be there when I will. But you have to know that I don't fear love; I only fear the possibility that you may go someday, and you won't take me with you.