It would be a lie to say that your leaving wasn't that much of a big deal for my life.
In fact, it changed so much, if not everything. Since there's no more you, there's no more annoyances that got me insane. No more reminder for me to keep being considerate about the things I say or do. Since there's no more you, I am more me. But I can't claim it my life anymore. Because my life wasn't supposed to be like this. My life was supposed to include you. You are supposed to be here.
But you bailed. I'm not sure if it was your right to do so, or if it was merely based on your best of intentions. All I know is that you left, and maybe you're sorry that you do it, or maybe you're not. Sometimes I don't know what to call you. A piece of my past? My life? Or something that just went missing? For the record, missing things tend to be found somehow. But you probably don't even want to be found.
I can tell that you have absolutely no idea how much your action affect people around you, which coincidentally, includes the people around me. You don't know how much it hurt them, do you? You don't. You're lying if you said otherwise. You don't know how much their hurt means to me, okay? And you probably don't even care, because you're so busy with your own universe now. I get that. But has it ever crossed your mind before, that you are the only one actually suffering from your own action? And that me, and several other people in this world that you willingly left for your new one, are actually the ones who get the most benefits?
I'd say benefits because now I get to learn a lesson or two.
I learn that you are a human person; you have your own wants, needs, and your own idea of what life's supposed to be. There shouldn't be a norm to tell you how to live your life, because, why should there even be a norm at all? Norm is a man-made cause, God didn't create it, so He probably didn't even intend for the world to have any norms at all. So why even bother punishing people for their deviation from the norm? Huh?
I learn that I'm such a powerless human being after all. It's not just me, actually. It pains me to say this, but it's pretty much everyone. People often don't realise that they don't have the power to control the things they want to control. They rarely realise that they weren't exactly in charge of the important things in life. People are people; we're selfish, we think the world owe us something, we always think we deserve more, and worse, we think the world revolves around us when it really doesn't. And we should stop doing that because we're going to block the sun if we do. I guess what I'm saying is... I couldn't make you stay. I couldn't stop things from happening. Heck, I couldn't make things happen sometimes. But that's okay. Because I believe in The Higher Power, and it's a lot stronger than me. I can't make you stay, because if you want to leave, you should be allowed to. It's your life, not mine; no matter how much it affects me. Sometimes when life (and karma) is doing its job, you just gotta sit back and be on the ride, no matter how unenjoyable that would be. And that's exactly what I learned from you. I can try all I want; but I'm not you and you're not me.
It would be a lie to say that I don't miss you. I do. Pretty much of my life was built around you, so it's hard to believe that I have to erase you from this time on. It would be like my past was a string of episodes where we still got one of the major stars in it, and somehow we stopped hiring and move on with the next episodes without the complete cast. It might look like I do it effortlessly; but that's me. I do things without even knowing. Remember when, back in high school, I went through hard days without ever feeling tired until one day I got knocked down by typhus? That's how I roll: I don't stumble. I simply just fall.
I still believe you'll be back some day. It's out of my or anyone's ability to tell when or how, but I believe you will. I'm not going ahead of time, but I know you will. They believe it, with all their might; so I do too. I just hope that when the time has come, it won't be too late... for anyone. That all of these broken pieces are not beyond repair. And that you, and I, will say sorry. Because we've both made mistakes. And it is only by forgiving each other will we be freed from the misery. So that in the future, we can live with ourselves, despite all the good and bad, and the better and the worse.
And until that time, I wish you well. Simply because you deserve a happiness, too.
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