High Hopes

 Liz Lemon found these words sooner than me.

The Person Behind The Mask

Sometimes I think I know you so well. I know you're this cheerful, witty and constantly off the wall kind of person. And when you're being that, it makes me feel happy because you are, well, happy. Your life is so full of colors that's bright and shiny. But then you could've just showed me another side of you—the you who's profound, grim, deep and thoughtful. The you that's the complete opposite of who I thought you are. The you that's dark, as if I thought you were a sunny day in Maui while deep inside, you're a cold, cloudy dusk in snowy Greenland. And that's when I feel sad, because... Because I feel like I was wrong about you. Like all these times I spent trying to get to know you, figuring out what you are and what you're not, was a waste of time.

But it's true what they say, that before you judge on people, you have to be strong enough and make a fair play: judge yourself first. And the judgement came, and truth is, I'm a lot like that, in a lot of ways.

A lot of people thought of me as this person who don't get sad over anything. They thought I'm one of those person who has a smile available all the time. They thought I was only capable of being lighthearted and cheery. They didn't expect me to be able to write about things I write here, because they didn't even know that I have certain parts of the brain that allows me to have a depth. It's because I seem to be shallow all the time, I know. And perhaps the big reason for that is because I let myself to be like that. But I didn't mean to hide the me that have some kind of depth—the me that feels, rather than smile and make a joke about it. I wouldn't rather let people think I'm cheerful than grimy, no. I'd rather let people have their opinions about me, and when they found something that didn't meet their expectations about it, they'd be surprised. I'd prefer that storyline.

You see, maybe that's exactly what you wanna do. You want to surprise people. You want the universe to surprise people, rather than putting on an effort in order to let people know who you are, and what you are capable of. Because whether I do it unconsciously or not, that's what I do. And that's what I want, I don't wanna be blamed for that. So, I don't blame you. In fact, I like that about you. I like people who surprises people without even trying. 

So you see, each one of us hides a personality that didn't seem to fit; one that didn't seem likely for us to have simply because they say, "That's so not you." Sure, each one of us has a personality traits that can describe us individually. But I believe that everyone has more than one personality, and therefore everyone shouldn't be described in only one adjective. Because chances are, that one girl who always seems to be so serious, is indeed a comic writer, or a party animal at night. And perhaps that one guy who's childish and funny and humorous, is a serious thinker; the brain behind the propaganda. It's not a double personality disorder, it's just depth.  

My very late info about Edward Turin

To make this post safe, I'll tell the story in Indonesian, okay?

Last summer, gue punya summerfling. HAHAHAHAHA yes my first ever summerfling. Namanya... errr... ya pokoknya kalo di Inggris-in namanya Edward lah gitu ya. Buat yang pernah baca post-post gue sebelomnya pasti taulah.

Nah, emang sakit cool-kas nya nih cowok, gue jarang ngomong. Tapi emang dia suka lucu sih, dari logatnya, mukanya yang mirip James McAvoy.... oh my God ganteng banget deh! Yang bikin gedeg adalah, dia suka rese gitu. Bahkan saat di kelas gue lagi ngomong bahasa Indonesia yang dia ga ngerti aja dia suka ketawa-ketawa gitu ke gue, kayak liat badut lagi ngomong. ugh, what an ugly shit, gyahaha.

Kemaren, gue baru chat sama temen homestay gue yang namanya Catharina. Summerflingnya bernama Alessandro. Ouch, bukan summerfling deng. It's like summerfling goes to autumnfling and still a winterfling. d'oh! hahahaha sorry Kariiiin!

Kira2 begini isi chattingnya:

Catharina: Meng, udah liat fbnya Roberto belom?
Arien: Udah
Arien: Mukanya tolol, hahahahaha!
Catharina: Hahaha iya, tapi gitu2 cewenya model
Arien: Oh iya ya pantes, tinggalnya di Milan sih
Catharina: Iya tuh, satu sekolah sama si mangga
Arien: Hah? emang mangga di Milano juga?
Catharina: Adooooh ke mana aja lo menggg?
Arien: Ooh pantesan mesos
Catharina: Iya gimana gitu ya meng, ABERCROMBIE.... HAHAHAHAH
Arien: Iya buckle-nya D&G bok
Catharina: Hahaha liat aja lo, dari yang foto dia lagi meluk gue itu kan?
Arien: Yoi
Arien: Bareng Andrea juga dong dia, ewww
Catharina: Haha iya
Arien: Eh, terus kalo edo dari mana?
Catharina: Edo dari Turin
Arien: Iiih tebakan gue beneeeer hahahahahaha
Arien: Kalo Vale sama Ricca?
Catharina: Sama, mereka satu sekolah kok di Torino
Arien: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA GUE BARU TAU KAR!
Catharina: Ya elah lo ke mana ajaaa? Makanya jangan sama Rachele doang
Arien: Yah gimana ya, partner in crime gue kan orang desa di Bologna, hahahahahaha

Keterangan: mangga=alessandro. surname-nya mengandung kata mango jadi gue memakai bahasa isyarat mangga

Yah, intinya gue memang telat banget.

Dan saat gue konfirmasi ke temen gue yang satu lagi, yang suka ngobrol sama Riccardo, dia juga bilang gue telat. hahahahahah biarin deh yang penting pernah ngegosip sama si Edward.

Kadang2 gue suka serem deh. Si Edward ini jarang banget online di jam2 I normally online. Begitu ketemu suka gue tungguin sampe dia off. hahahaha. Karin bilang dia suka online jam 4 pagi waktu Indonesia. Hell maaaan.... I'd be totally insane if I have to wait for him to be online every morning.

Aaaaaaa I miss you my Edward--James McAvoy!