Cri

"...by not crying, we get to give sadness, pain, sorrow, grief, a perpetual home, a home-cooked meal and an invitation to stick around that simply won’t expire. I can feel how the lack of tears has been taking its toll on me; how it turns everything to dust, steals the colors around, bathes me in gray."

source

I'm a big fan of strong people. People who have every rights to break down and cry, but choose not to. People who don't whine about their suffering, just because they think whining is selfish. People who don't cry over the small stuffs. All the various kinds of strong people, really, because I thought being strong is admirable and because it is a choice that brave people take.

But it is only until very recently that I discovered something else. Now I know that being strong isn't always the right thing to do. Sometimes being strong doesn't always count in how people present themselves as having strength within. Other times, being strong is also about being weak sometimes, because you know you need it.

Crying is always associated with people being weak, people being fragile and so on. But you got out of your mother's womb crying, and if you didn't, they'd make you. If you still didn't, I'm sorry, but you won't make it to read this post today. It's always been a sign of life rather than anything else, really.

It probably sounds cheesy and weak and whatever, but I've tried it. I've tried being strong, standing proud with full-on dignity and self-respect in the middle of a hard situation. I became that person I would personally admire, I'm not ashamed to be a bit narcissistic here, but I did. And you know what happened? The pain stayed. It didn't go anywhere. The pain remained as painful as when it first grew. I was strong, and admirable, but inside I'm just a mess; which is the complete opposite of what I strive to have: self-respect.

So I tried the alternative. I cried. Not so hard, because I couldn't; my pride and dignity was still lying there somewhere, but I cried anyway. And crying did me good. Crying made me feel... done. I can just say it made me feel better but maybe it's not that I felt better. I just felt like the heavyweight pain in my chest got lighter, that's all. When I was a poetic shit back in high school, I had this idea that crying is actually another excretion system just as much as what your kidney and lungs do. Perhaps our tear glands excrete whatever it is that bugs your mind and got them out so you feel lighter... and you can see the world more clearly. And, based on this article, scientifically, crying is good for us.

I'm not saying that crying solve your problems, or that crying relieves your soul, no. I'm saying that based on my experiences, crying may help take some weight off of your pain. Crying may help your pain recedes. I'm not sure why, but maybe it's because crying also means that you are big enough to admit to yourself that, yes, you're sad; yes, you're broken; yes, you wish you were in a better situation, but you're not. Because true peace comes after you make peace with the part of yourself that will never be at peace, that it will always be like that, but you make peace with it anyway. You admit it. One way of another, that is also a sign of having strength, you know? Because it is always easier to accuse someone as wrong than to point out where you actually screwed up.

Just remember to always promise yourself you'll come back stronger than before. Promise yourself that you'll come back soon. Alive.