I know what you are

They say every single person that comes into our lives could be divided in two: either a blessing, or a lesson.

Now I know what you are. You are a lesson to me. But I guess in that way, you are a blessing too. So you can be both, really. I'll allow you.

I can't think of a time when it all went wrong, because nothing did. But something definitely happened, and I guess I should've known it's coming sooner or later, so I guess things went wrong the minute I decided to ignore the signs. And that, I guess, is my mistake. So really, I have no one to blame. Not even you.

I know I do a lot of guessing here. It's because nothing is clear enough for me, but they happen anyway. I couldn't stop them from happening, even if I wanted to. If only these things could happen with some kind of guide book, so that I would know what it all means and where this is going. But life didn't come with a manual book, and that's a shame. But... But...

Look, I'm lost for words here. I don't know what I've been writing, it's a whole bunch of complete nonsense that no one gets, because I know I don't. I guess if you wanna know how I'm doing, I'm just gonna say... I'm not sad. I'm not exactly upset. I'm just somewhere in the middle between standing on my own two feet and trying to make sense of it all. It's because I don't know if I could stand on my own two feet already, right now... and I also don't know that making sense of it all without a clear explanation from you would mean nothing. So why don't I just ask you? Well, for one, I would never understand the way you think. We're two completely different people, so trying to explain the way you think or vice versa would be such a waste of time. And energy. And two, it's because I don't know if I can stand the truth. In a way, I think we all like to hear some lies and not knowing some truths because it is more comfortable that way. And sometimes I'd rather live in comfort and try to forget the past that knowing the truth that will haunt me forever. We deserve to know the truth, but we also deserve to live in the comfort of just keep guessing.

So, I know what you are. You are a lesson to me. Honestly, before recently, I didn't know what you are. Or I did, and I thought you were a blessing. (There, I admit it. I'm big enough to admit it, why can't you?) But, happiness is fleeting. It always is. So now you are the blessing that turned out to be a lesson for me. Well, I hope I passed your lesson. I hope this lesson would come in handy someday. I don't know what I am to you, but even if I'm just a passing wind in your stormy life... I hope you know that you have the power to make someone write something about you. And words are as strong as a sword so you should always be careful. I love you. It's okay if you can't love me back. It's still love even though you can't return it. It's still love even though I try to deny it. It's still love.