A Fast Forward Button

If there's a wish-list on the most impossible things Santa can't deliver us at any given Christmas eve, it would look like this:

1. a manual guide book on what I should do with my life, and 

2. a fast forward button to the most important parts of my life

Not all who wanders are lost; true. But not all who steadies are found, either. If there's any kind of person that I would really admire, it's the kind of people around my age who knows exactly what they want to do with their lives, completed with a list of plans from A to Z and the steps they'd take to reach them. They don't need a manual book or anyone telling them how to live their lives because they have it all figured out. I'm one of those people who's in constant wondering which way I have to choose. Because I know that our choices have this domino effects beyond them so what we choose tend to affect the things that will happen to us in the future. And perhaps this is me being lazy, but I need to know if my choice was the right thing; I need to know if my choice is going to bring me to the right point, the place where I belong. People are going to say that it takes courage to choose, but the choices come to us in almost every breath we take every day. So living, basically, is a series of courageous act we had to do every day. The courage to face what the future holds for us. And this is why I want a fast forward button; I just can't wait. I can't wait to see what my choices would lead me to. It's scary, I know. The future is this mysterious labyrinth that we can't see, but I want to see it. What makes us afraid is always the things that we don't know; we're afraid of the dark because in the dark we can't see what's in front of us. We're afraid of dying because we don't know what we'll see in the moment of our last breath and so on. But these days, in the beginning of my 20s, I need some kind of new hope. I need a new optimism. I can't work with the kind of optimism I have when I was 17, I need something new. Because I'm not the same person as I was three years ago, not even yesterday. And because things are just... different. I want to know how I'm going to spend the rest of my life, because no matter what it looks like, I can prepare for it right now. I can try to deal with it, and be happy with what I can have.