When I was younger and emo—as in, a state of mind rather than sense of style/music/etc—I have this peculiar idea that turns out every single adolescent out there have had in mind, at least at point of their young lives: die young. There is something about adolescence that led us to think that dying young is nice; it's simpler, it's a shortcut to a more peaceful place, etc. And let's not forget some agent provocateurs who isn't necessarily pro life and promote short lives instead. I'm not talking about feeling suicidal here, it's a completely different issue because being suicidal is a much deeper and darker place that I have no rights to talk about. It's just about having that idea, you know? The idea that dying young would make everything easier.
Trust me, I've been there. So when I talk about this, even though I don't know each one of your problems that are probably even harder than mine, I actually know what it feels like. Oh sure, miss smartypants, it's always easier to say than done. I know that too. I know exactly by heart that saying is easier than doing. But let me just talk about it. For once. Because I've come from that place too, even though you won't believe it, but I did. I just don't live there anymore.
Let me tell you something. Chances are, when you are thinking that, it's only because you're sad. Because when you're sad, you see no ending to that sadness that you're feeling. People always say that the storm will pass, but when you're in middle of it, you don't know if it will; you can't see how it will end. But it will, eventually. When you finally feel happy again, you'd wonder why. Why would you think that dying young is happiness? There is still so much happiness to see in this life, that you haven't seen. I always remember the saying that just in time when you think you've seen it all, life can still surprises you. And I may not have seen so much, but I know it's true.
Here is how I view life: It's suffering. Sure, it sounds too philosophical and what are you, Plato? But life is suffering. We are all meant to suffer the entire time of our lives. Being sad is easy. It is so, so, easy. Trust me. Life can throw you so many bricks and you'll bleed. It is inevitable. But when life throws you bricks, but you can still get up and smile as if you've been hit by nothing, that is a choice. That is a brave choice. A very, very brave and strong choice. You may bleed all over the places you've been hit, but to still get up and smile, it's your choice. Bleeding, on the other hand, is not a choice. Do you see my point here?
Happiness is a choice. It is a brave choice. And people who live a long life; that old man at 92 who lives in his wheelchair and can still sing karaoke at old people gatherings, they are the bravest people that we should always look up to. At 92, pretty sure he's seen everything: the war, the ups and downs of a career, of his commitment to his family of wife and children, the rough times of getting his heart broken by disappointments in life that is just unavoidable, he's seen the worst. No one in their 20s should say that the old man has never gone through what they feel because he sure had, just maybe a different story, and a different era. And after losing so much, he would tell us, the ungrateful youth who think dying young is better, that having thought so is a disrespect to the people who actually lived a short life. Because we have so many choices. We can choose how we live our lives, we can choose to be happy, and we can even choose to end ourselves though it's highly not recommended. But people who die young—and lets not forget the unborn babies—they didn't have a choice. They weren't as lucky.
Because to live longer means that you have a chance to do more mistakes and learn from them; and then to fix them. How many of us ever thinking about fixing our mistakes? People make mistake everyday, even when you think you've had an easy day and everything was going smooth. But how many would actually try to fix those mistakes? How many actually have a chance to do so?
So, happiness is hard. It takes courage; a courage to choose, a courage to move past the things that have let us down either we did it ourselves or not, and a courage to see the beauty of life past all of the concrete sufferings in life. A courage to believe that beyond all the misery, there is a prize worth living and fighting for. That is happiness. We always take it for granted, as if it was promised or as if it will come without us having to pursue it. But it's not. We choose it. We... strive for it. We work every day in our lives to get that happiness, even when we know how fleeting is could be.
Not choosing is a brave act too, I always remember that. But when you don't choose, eventually life will chooses you, and so your life is built on things that you didn't really want. The choices we made define us. We are defined by them, because that is how we want to live our lives. So if you don't choose, life will defines you. You will be defined by your own life, which isn't such a nice thing. But like I said, we have choices. We can choose to take that choice or leave it to life, because we're not ready to deal with the risks later; because we're not ready to find out that we did it to ourselves. We can always choose to be what kind of person we want to be, and what kind of life we want to live.
And I choose to be happy. Because it is a brave act, and because I'd rather be my own hero than waiting for someone to save me from myself.
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