Hate is a Strong Word

The opposite of hate is probably love, but love is not even a word as strong as its counterpart.

I don't hate people who make their way around being snobbish. I don't hate people who lie. I don't hate people who play dirty. And I don't always hate people who treat me wrong.

I hate people who make me feel bad about myself. And those who make me treat myself badly.

I know this person who was once in the position to be considered my friend. We were friends, not necessarily good friends, but friends nonetheless. One day, I made the mistake of agreeing to get involved with this person even further; the mistake that I never plan to take but did anyway. And time after time, I grew tired of their antiques. It was not until then that I realized I was not made to be friends with them. I was not even made to tolerate them, because they are just horrible, and I might also come off as being detestable to them. It was a lose-lose situation. And we were just stuck. There was no way of turning back, as there was also no way of stopping in the middle of the road. It was basically a nightmare for each of us. That's when I realize that I hate this person. Hate is a strong word, but I feel like there should be a stronger word I could use to explain how I feel.

Hate corrupted my soul, my life, my entire being. Hate consumed all the cheeriness and the good in me. When I think about the time I had to spend with that person, I see a terrible person. I became such a terrible person, someone that I can't be proud of... Someone that doesn't even look like me. Emotionally speaking, I was a monster. I was not me. I may not be such a nice person in general, but back then I was horrible. How many times do I have to say that? And I hate myself. I lost respect in myself and I couldn't think of a better day. It was almost like going to fight in a war with myself, in which I cannot win. I hate myself, and for that I hate that person entirely.

That person didn't treat me badly, no. Yes, they were kind of a jerk, but who isn't? We were all born a little bit of a jerk and a bitch inside. But they were just bad for me, that's all. Not everyone was made for you just as much as you weren't made for everyone. This is why they say someone isn't bad for you because of the way they treated you, but more for the way they make you feel about yourself. 

So here's my point in case I confuse you with my writing: Hate is necessary. Sometimes. But it is bad for you. Here's the catch: heroin and morphines are also bad for you, and yet doctors still inject it into you when you most need it. So, it's not always bad, you know? You could use the emotion. As long as you keep it to the healthy amount, it's good for you. As of for me, I only let it go as far as to the people who make me feel bad about myself. Your life isn't some punk rock music. You don't have to scream hatred every where you go. But your hate towards someone can teach you that you know better of yourself. You can choose what (or who) is good or bad for you. You are big enough to be selective of what worth keeping in your life and what not. And at the end of the day, you can be genuinely thankful of the people who make you feel loved; people who don't make you feel worthless or stupid or simply ugly. You deserve to always feel good, at least about yourself.

Because everyone needs someone to hold on to

What makes a good friend?

Is it about the amount of time we get to spend together? Or just simply the quality of it?

Is it about the way I listen to your every problems, like you do to mine, and how we discuss it, as if I were Dante and you were Descartes?

Is it about how I stop you from falling in love with that guy, because I sense some kind of threat from him and I don't want you to get hurt?

Or am I good friend because I have let you fall so deep that when you found out the truth, it crushed you pretty bad you don't know if you'll ever recover... but at least now you know?

Because I want you to learn. I want you to find out about things yourself, and not preventing things from happening. I want you to feel happy the way you wish to be; and I want you not to guard your heart or put it in a cage like I do. But more than anything, I want you to live.

Live. The way they say you should be brave: to embrace your flaws, dance in the rain, cry your heart out, fall madly in love... Even if it means you have to do it all in the end. Even if it means you have to learn about things the hard way. Sometimes us mankind were left with no choice other than being the miserable creature that we are. And sometimes we have to just settle with being that.

I don't know what makes a good friend, and perhaps I will never know. It will varies from one to another, because friendship, just like love, is a case by case phenomenon. But just so you know, I'll be here.

I'll be here to listen; I'm not a psychologist so I don't charge for lending you my ears. I'm probably not so good in giving advice, but I'm telling you, I don't judge. Not you. I'm probably going to put the blame on you for some of your problems, but I come in peace; I just want you to know the truth, the logical perspective, the other opinions beside those voices speaking inside your head. Because no matter what they say about listening to those voices, sometimes they weren't meant to be so practical.

I'm going to be here when you fall madly in love with that boy who treats you like you're ordinary. I'm going to be here when he crushed you; when he stops paying attention to you. I'm going to be here when he lets you down, and I'm not even going to say, "Told you so." I'm just going to be here, and pick up the pieces of your heart that won't be this crushed, if only you'd hear me. But don't listen to me anyway. It's your life. It's your game, your rules. I signed up for this. I'm your friend. 

Maybe You're My Snowflake

One of the tragedies of human being is that we don't always possess the words that we need to describe what we have. Like some certain feelings that we don't have the name for. But just because we don't possess the name, doesn't mean it's doesn't exist. It's there, staying in your heart during your sleepless nights, your darkest hours, the days when you feel ugly... It's there. But you just can't name it. I wish we can invent names to our feelings like we can name our drinks. Mix them up and make out some exotic name and let people buy it. But we don't invent our feelings, so we can't name them too. What do you call a mix of pride and sadness and missing someone and happiness, all the while you just feel shattered and you want to cry? Seriously, what?

I remember it was the first day of fasting that someone texted at four in the morning, telling me how powerful 90% of my writing is, and how similarly we can feel about some certain things in life, despite us being old friends. And today, I logged in to this account and that certain someone is, again, writing about me in her most recent post. Almost at the same time, another someone also wrote a new post in her blog, quoting one of my old tweets that, thankfully, wasn't copy-pasted from somewhere else. Now, I know that there's a really big chance that they will be reading this post too, so here's what I'm gonna say:

Thank you. Words have failed me to describe how overwhelmed I am with the good things you still have for me. So let me quote the red-haired Brit cutie Ed Sheeran because he sang, "you turn my cheeks the colour of my hair." Well, his hair, at least. I have never been more flattered than I am today because I have you guys. And, both of you were right. Sometimes I feel sad that we're not as close as we used to be. Sometimes I think it was my fault, because I suck in keeping old friends. But, whether we'd like to realize it or not, let's admit that it's one of the symptoms of growing up: we grow apart. I know we don't have to; some people can actually make it to be friends for life. But let's not feel forced to be like them. Let's... get real. If we can't, let's deal with it, and feel okay about not being able to be like them. Of course I still think about you guys as my best friends, maybe for the rest of forever, if you'd allow me. They say people come and go, and sometimes, whether we realize it or not, we left a mark, and it stays with them forever. You are that people to me. Perhaps you don't even know it yet, but let's stop feeling like you've changed nothing in the world because you changed me. Let's continue to inspire each other. Let there be more and more marks in our lives that one day, when we're telling stories to our grandchildren like Ted Mosby do to his kids, they will be able to visit these landmarks that meant a lot to us. Oh God, I'm almost crying writing this. So, before I go all... nangis bombay here, just let me say it again: Thank you. For everything.

Further reading: A Love Letter to a Friend, Growing Apart from Your Best Friend on Thought Catalog

One Short (holi)Day

All work and no play makes Arien a very dull girl. I really needed a proper holiday, and any short holiday will do. As a very student-y college student on a budget, I decided to go to Singapore, the closest, easiest, and most affordable place to be called my holiday nirvana. I had five of my best girls coming with me to the shopping mecca; Cantika, Claudia, Natasya, Tika and Winandya. It was a really short trip. I've been to Singapore several times with my family, and three or four days was boring enough, but with these girls, I think I could handle a two weeks trip in the land of mixed cultures. It was probably one of the best trips I've ever taken, and really, I think it was marvelous. The trips to Singapore with my mum was always all about the shopping; she's been there several times for work and she'd seen a lot of places so she never took me but with these girls, everything was just so new and memorable. The four days trip got me some of my own highlights of the day, and I'm gonna tell you a bit of the highlights.

We welcome ourselves to Singapore by observing the night life

Day 1: Clarke Quay

What's the best cure for traveling with a delayed flight? Traveling with your best friends! Since I'm not really a night person, I don't know if Clarke Quay is the centre of Singapore night life or something of that sort, anyway we don't really sit there and hang out; we took pictures instead, and since we just landed that very night, the pictures might be lousy, and you can't see a lot of people there but I'm telling you, walking through that particular bridge gave me the creeps as if I just came into the wrong party where only white, crazy and drinking people were invited. I looked like I was going to school that night. Sigh.

So much for a hillbilly pose after a long, money-draining shopping spree

Day 2: Wicked The Musical

Cantika, Winandya and I decided to take a stroll and spend some shopping spree at the malls in Orchard, while the three other girls were hitting the Universal Studios Singapore. I tried to find a proper dress to catch Wicked at the Marina Bay Sands Grand Theatre later that night, but I failed. I went crazy at the stores that haven't opened in Indonesia, and the rest is, well, history. I felt like my wallet had some kind of demon that eats plastic because my money was drained in no time! That's what happens when you're a girl who gets so easily distracted with new things. You'd forget what you came up there for, was it for the holiday or the shopping?

Ozians

Anyway, after a long, tiring and money-draining shopping, we got back to the hotel to clean up and try to look as pretty as girls in budget holiday could be. At the end of the day, no one wants to look like a fucking beggar watching a musical in Marina Bay Sands, right? We took the train to Marina Bay, and with all the power of our smart-ass-ness we got to the theater on foot. That's something you can't do in Jakarta, though; you can't survive a ten minutes walk in a dress, without getting some really annoying shout out from the street workers. Well, not knowing is a gift. None of us had ever been to the Marina Bay, and we just kind of use our smart-ass-ness to find the Grand Theatre by walking through the gigantic, posh shopping mall and casino completed with sophisticated bars everywhere, and there we were! The three of us was astounded by the place we came to, like it was just simply impossible that we were ever there! What are we, a bunch of teenagers on a budgeted short holiday, doing at The Grand Theatre?! I have never seen a musical before; never been to Marina Bay Sands; and never, ever, seen such a beautiful place that costs me quiet some fortune for sitting at the top tier and the very last row. Anyway, it was worth it though. We couldn't see the facial expressions of the actors, but we'd see pretty much everything that was necessary. I didn't know a lot about Wicked, and after the two and a half hours show, I was obsessed with it. Elphaba and Fiyero would be my new romantic icons. I can't get over the fact that I wanna re-watch The Wizards of Oz now, since it's been some time. At the beginning of this blog, I wrote about how that movie was played on repeat so many times in my childhood, and I loved the young Judy Garland with the red, sparkling shoes. After the show, we decided that we didn't have the energy to walk ten minutes to the train station back to our inn, so we'd take the taxi and without knowing where exactly to find a cab, we power-walked to the taxi stands and the queue was... rad. The taxi, as we'd all know it, was pretty pricey, but who cares? We'd just seen Wicked! Live! And it was not even the original cast!! I promised myself that someday, when I'm awfully rich, I would sit front row to see one of these shows live. I just had to promise myself that. Please remind me that again 20-30 years from now?

Day 3: All The New Places

We didn't look as though we just hit the USS or Wicked last night, eh?

"You're gonna need a bigger boat!" -Jaws

From my previous Eurotrip I have learned something: I love cruising on a boat. And that's just exactly what we did, and I really liked it. That's a very touristy thing to do, and even though it was Singapore, not necessarily Seine or Thames, it was really cool. All the six of us went to see the Merlion right across the Marina Bay Sands, where we took off the train from Clarke Quay and walk along the Riverwalk all the way through the Merlion Park. There are closer stations, but I'm actually glad we didn't take them because the Riverwalk was such a pretty sight, and besides, it feels a little like walking along the Rive Gauche, or at least that's the closest that I can feel as though I was in River Gauche. The Merlion Park, like every other landmarks in the world, was full of tourists with cameras and cute poses, and I have to say that it was fun, because finally, a place where acting like tourist is not so lame because so was every other people in that place is. From there, we walked through all the skyscrapers to take another train to Chinatown, where we're supposed to have lunch. None of us was familiar with the place, so we tried to find something to eat at the most obvious place the station can lead us to: The Hong Lim Food Centre. The site was under so much construction that we had to ask a stranger, a somewhat very nice Chinese man, that showed us the way to food centre. He was going the same way, though. But still it was nice to know that people in Asian countries are still really nice and friendly. As it turns out, The Hong Lim Food Centre was paradise... for people who eats pork. For those who don't, like the majority of me and my friends, it was a bit of a dull place. There was only one kiosk by a Malaysian couple that cooks halal food, and judging from the queue, I think there's a lot of people who didn't know how rare halal food in Hong Lim Food Centre is. Anyway, after Chinatown, we moved along to Farrer Park, where we paid a visit of one of the craziest store I know, Mustafa Centre. From the site that's full of Chinese people selling traditional medicines made of bats and special herbs, there we arrived at the place so over-populated with Indian and Pakistani men and women with their peculiar culture and food and colors... and odors. Unlike mothers, we didn't buy too much from the Mustafa Centre, but then we got back to put our shopping bags down at the inn and rest our tired feet and later that night, we went separate ways again.

The only thing missing, is someone staring at the same painting for me to fall in love with

The Wicked girls went to see the Singapore's Arts Museum, while the other three was catching up with the two other museums in the other side of town (or country...) The art museum was my very first experience too. I only came there because of the free admission every Friday nights, actually... Well, the fact that we love to see some arts helps, too. The minute I saw the building, I was amazed. But as soon as I stepped foot inside, I was, again, astounded by it. There was a collector's exhibition of some sort, and the guests looked extremely rich and cool, like the kind of people you see in a high society magazine. The art was so cool... Some are haunting, some are jaw-dropping, others are like eye candies... But my favorite would have to go to the one called Chapel by an artist named Li Hui (just in case you wanna Google him). His art was one dark room with red lasers from one side of the ceiling reflected by a mirror at the centre of the room to the other side of the ceiling, completed with crosses hanging around the walls. The second we stepped in, we felt like in a Cathedral. This is the place where I think we met the artist. No, seriously. And I really liked his art, had I known any better if it was really him, I'd probably shake his hands and take a picture with him or something. He saw Winandya took a photo under the red laser, and then he gestured for us to move under the red rays in some certain position, and he directed how we're supposed to pose, but then he walked away somewhere. I have to say, his direction gave us a better quality picture, and if he was really the artist, it's no wonder. Of course he'd know the best way how to enjoy his art, eh?

The ray of red lights in the "Chapel" by Li Hui

From there, all the six of us gathered together at Chijmes. It's another eatery for the rich and the richer, I guess, because I couldn't afford the menu, but the place looks really quirky, though. And from there, we decided to have some ethnic dinner back at Farrer Park, and treat ourselves some really spicy Biryani rice with chicken and lamb. Because where else would you eat so many rice with so many spices, all served up in a tray?!

I don't care if we look like K-Pop fans. He looks and smells hot

Day 4: Abercrombie & Fitch & I'm such a spendthrift

Our last day in Singapore, the room where we've been staying was a hot mess from excessive shopping and disarranged stuffs. After a very tiring packing, where I just realized that I have lost my incredible packing skills (sigh) together we went on a very last minute stroll around Orchard Road to use up the money we had left... or at least that was me. The first place we went to was, of course, the hottest new store in Southeast Asia: Abercrombie & Fitch! The store smells like a really sexy guy just sprayed his entire body with a really sexy cologne after a long day at the gym. No, seriously. The guy standing at the front door says it all. And the shirtless male model whose job was to take pictures with the ladies (like us) and kiasu passerby wanting to have their picture taken with some hot, unknown guy? He says everything we can tell from the store. Just like the one in London, everything in there was not fashionable and overpriced. It's like, only the Jersey Shore cast would actually spend their money in that kind of store. Really, their male t-shirts are only for the guys with muscles and to be honest with you, I don't know if it's the Alessandro from summer 2008 effect, but Abercrombie always smells and looks so... Italian. Alessandro could totally make a good addition to the Jersey Shore ensemble. Or Andrea. Anyway, nobody bought anything there. We're not the Asian version of Snooki and we don't like the Mike Sorrentino kinda guy. So we moved along to buy some cute shoes for low prices, and after that, The three Wicked Girls, also known as the biggest spendthrift in the entire holiday, were off to do what they did best: shopping. Uniqlo kills, I'm telling you. Or actually, the demon inside my wallet was named Uniqlo. Or H&M. Or Sephora. Anyways. Thank God for Singapore's new regulations about the 7% tax refund for foreigners, which was simple and easy, unlike the tax refund policy in European countries. I can't tell you... just like I can't bear the feeling to remember how much we spent for shopping, or how unhealthy strolling around the Orchard road can be, but honestly, even if without the intense retail therapy, this would still be the best holiday I had with the friends I love. And it's really something I've never done before.

P.S. I only put here my favorite (and available) pictures. Anyone not pictured or not looked so good in them is merely about natural coincidences.

Legally 18

Thank you for your really kind and funny wishes! I never knew I was blessed with such lovable and funny and cool friends all surrounding me with warm love. Thank you for you really warm tweets(and retweets) and texts and Facebook walls. Thank you strangers who don't know me well enough but still bother to say happy birthday. Thank you my dearest family for your sweet presents. Special thanks to Winandya Almira for the HIGHlarious series of edited photos of Jon Kortajarena. Thank you everyone who cares. I can't thank you enough. I'm turning legal and I'm happy :)

Not everyone is gonna give up on love, and on you

Thank you for reminding me through this typography. Maybe I'm not the one you meant to say it to, but even so, thank you. Thank you.

Thank you for reminding me that you're still the bravest person I know, and that you make me really proud of you. You always do the things I will never be able to do. But most of all, I like how you always fight for your love, no matter what it costs you. You never hide it, and you always come clean. And after all, you open your heart to fall in love like you can fall in love everyday. I find it so hard to fall in love these days, because I've been hurt and all. But you always love like you've never been hurt before, even though like you said, your love life always ends tragic. But you're so brave I could burst into tears just thinking of the courage you have inside of you. I will never be able to hear that the guy I like doesn't like me back. I will never be able to tell him that I like him, and that I just wanna tell him that without being hopeful. I don't know how many times exactly love has disappointed you, and guys have let you down, but you never give up on love. You never, ever give up. You always believe in it. Heroes are the believers. The believers who believe in the things other people don't, and they can do what you can't do. In a way, you're my hero. And I thank you for that.

It feels like nothing it ever felt before

"True friends are like diamonds; bright, beautiful, valuable, and always in style." --Nicole Richie

So many friends have left, but this one is the worst. I don't know why, but I guess this is what happens when it comes to your best friend of 6 years and still counting. It's just somehow worse and harder than it's always been. I was sitting alone in my lodge and suddenly this thought came to me: hey,when is this gurl leaving? ooh please, I'd better find out, before suddenly the phone rings and the voice over there saying, "Hey, wazzup? I'm leaving tonight."

Dear friend,

I know I've been a terrible friend for you, but I just wanna let you know, that you're my best. I know I've been ignoring you for some very, very stupid reasons--reasons that you don't deserve, because they're really not worth it. If I were you and I have a friend like me, I'd probably leave her. But you didn't, and that's the most amazing part of you. You didn't just give up on me, no matter how annoying and disappointing I am as a friend.

A little newsflash: I still remember the day we first met; before we were friends and all that. I still remember the way you look that day, at the school mosque. It's amazing how it happened 6 years ago and I never forget, while I tend to keep forgetting things I just heard yesterday. I don't know how I could remember it very clearly, but I wanna let my kids and grandchildren know about this.

I'm still questioning everything, like, why Japan? Why really, why?

But I know you love Japan. And I'm sure you'll love it there. I'm sure you'll have an amazing life waiting for you over there. I'm sure you'll get all the better and all that you deserve; because you deserve the best. I'm sure you'll have amazing friends, amazing experiences, amazing uni... just like I do.

I'm gonna miss your calls so badly. I'm gonna miss your stories, your jokes, your laughs... hopefully I'm still gonna remember your laugh 4 years from now. Hopefully we'd still speak the same languange then, or laugh as hard as we can do today. Hopefully, in the future, I'll see you as we're both on top of the world.

Be good in Japan. Take care of everything. Spend your money wisely as everything is so expensive there. Right, I started to sound like your mom. But really, just don't suck at keeping old friends. Always remember that back home, you'd still got your family, and I'm not going anywhere for the next 4 years, just in case you need a friend and share your cool experiences in Japan :p

I wish you all the best luck in the world. I wish you a much better life. I miss you already.

"...no matter how far we are, we are still under the same sky"

your super extra cool friend for 6 years (and still counting)

Before it all goes to waste, I wanna remember it all

Greetings!

If you ask me how I am, I'm very well, thanks. If you want an update, here's the short one. I'd like to share (in fact, I'd LOVE to. you know I love that kind of activity) but I just wanna say, I've had some of the best moments of the year in the last 20 days, and that's fast. New experiences, nostalgia, new friends, all the sadness and laughs and tears shared with new people, all the secret crushes... everything is so full packed! Just in case you insists to know why, here's some hints:

OBM mates

The girls of voeging: Puspa, Dea, moi et Bela in Bogor

Fingers crossed for all the good things to never end. But if it will, I'll just be thankful it happened and that means it was good.

regards,

your editor in chief

It's playing like a silent film in my mind

Sophomore year was the greatest

It was one of those rare smiles with a quality of eternal reassurance in it that you may come across four of five times in life.

we wonder why black and white photos capture our soul. i think its cause without color, we aren't drawn to makeup, and the color of our eyes, or our hair, or how tan our skin is. black and white captures the innocence of one's face and the hurt they've gone through to feel vulnerability. the glow we see comes from the inside - brightening our eyes, our skin, and our smile.

source

What happens while the candle is sixteen

This will be my last post in 2009. Thanks for sticking with me through thick and thin. Happy new year everyone.

The hardest part is taking part...

Friends moving out overseas. Three most notable members of the family funerals, one amazing friend died. Well, they say the brightest star burns the fastest....

Burying my Grandma. Sad, sad face. February 20, 2009

Airport, August 20, 2009

Good news is, life isn't that bitter...

 A surprise from XI IPA F (went watching Watchmen), Senayan City, April 23, 2009

XI IPA F won 3rd winner BBM (Bazaar Budaya something), April 6, 2009

This picture is here because.... it's the first time I ever step my feet on Bekasi! LOL. Nadia's post-birthday surprise (HAHA LAME), January 18, 2009

We are refugees. Our school is flooded! January 19, 2009

Coldplay Viva La Vida tour Live in Hong Kong, March 25, 2009

Hong Kong Disneyland, July 7, 2009

That's pretty much everything. Not literally, but, yeah, the highlights. This year is mostly about being a sophomore (all play and party, no study). Well, thanks everybody. See you in 2010, cuz we'll have more fun....

Pictures of You

It was Dela's birthday dinner on Saturday, which, to me, feels more like a good reunion with my best mates from junior high.

Birthday girl in the middle!

I really wanna make this post like a long, sentimental essay about them but I would bore you to death. But you know what? I don't care. I'm still gonna write it the way I want it to appear. If you look at the picture, you see that I don't look as if I'm in a party nor a private dinner. I didn't even put on make ups. I'm sorry hahaha that's just moi

Wulan, Nabilla, moi, Nesha

Me, Nabilla, Nesha, Wulan and Dela were best mates in 9th grade. We were all in the same class and we kind of hung out together a lot either at school or somewhat, outside. We had so much fun back then, ups and downs..... until then graduation came and we kind of grew apart. Nabilla goes to the same school as Dela and Wulan (and Pungky, but she's not pictured here since she couldn't make it to the dinner) but me and Nesha took another way. The way I see it, it's ironic. Nesha and I played Peyton and Brooke as in One Tree Hill (we're maniacs, I told you). Brooke and Peyton had always found a way to keep solid, and life as best friends is so easy since they live in a fictional small town. Tons of sad songs in your life wiped away just by stopping by Peyton's place, a short but smart talk and a big hug. But you see, the last time I met her was more than a year ago. We live in the same town but it's not small. Life isn't the same as on TV.

Brooke Davis and Peyton Sawyer! Hahahahaha

What surprises me the most is the fact that I kind of feel like I was facing a mirror when I met Nesha! (hahaha no, not physically, you might don't even wanna physically look like me hahahahahahaha) Not only because we REALLY love One Tree Hill and Sophia Bush but also because WE LOVE MILEY CYRUS and WE HATE SELENA GOMEZ. I should probably ask her more if she hates Twilight and Robsten too hahahahaha. We write blogs, yeah. Go check hers out! It's so charming, and it's just what she is. These 4 girls are very true to themselves, not every girls can be. Some girls wanna act like saints, but they're just what they are. They keep it real and true. The whole night we talked about One Tree Hill, our purses (which was the prototype of my dream Chanel purse. She said we're taking baby steps and price-wise, I'm in the first of 40 steps. Hahahahahahahaha), college, junior high moments..... you know, it's fascinating how she still remembers some of the talks we had. I never seen someone like that before. She wrote that in her diary. I mean, I write diaries too but I didn't take it that as far as writing conversations (yeah, once. with my crush). Oh, and about this guy who was dating her friend. This guy was....... the same guy who worth my tears :"((((((( well not anymore though. Anyway, she reminds me of something that really draw my feeling today:

The truth is, I don't really like to think about college. Cause that means high school's over. 
After graduation, everyone will probably go play basketball. Or sing or start record labels, -and I'll have to start all over. Alone. I'm sure I'll be fine. But like I said, I don't like to think about it.

Brooke Davis

Pretty girls. Hahahahahahahaha

Nabilla came kind of really late and that frustrates me at first because she wasn't on time. When I called her she was busy looking for a bakery just to buy herself some bread. Duh. I tried to dress up quiet nice because she wanted to introduce me to her (soon to be) boyfriend, too bad he couldn't make it that night.

If there's one thing I can learn from that night, it's that you CAN'T tell if someone's your best friend before you've been through enough. Like, how long have you known each other? You can't call someone who's just become your close friend for two months as your BFF. Remember that the last F stands for FOREVER and the term of forever is huge. It's complicated, sometimes scary. Or, how long have you lost contact with them and when you meet again you still feel the same chemistry as before? I suck in keeping old friends, and I'm just such a lucky bastard for having them. I just hope I could learn my "keeping old friends" skill as I'm graduating high school really soon. Oh, and also very important, have you gone to different schools? Have you gone through some limits, like, you can only go to some certain places which they can't go? I'm not saying we are the BFF but I just want y'all to know, you can't be best friends with just about anyone who came into your life without knowing what they will do to you in the long run.

B. Davis, P. Sawyer

wait, so who are these? hahahaha

All of a sudden I miss everyone...........................