I've fallen in love with you but you never exist

Hi, who knows we're suddenly at the end of the year again?

A little evaluation, I posted fewer things this year, and I don't know what happened with me, why I didn't spend so much time posting here. I guess it's because I discovered the joy of Tumblr now and decided to categorize what I should publish via Tumblr or Blogspot or maybeTwitter. I've become what they call Tumbltard. But to be honest, some of my best writings are here, so... cheers for that :D

2010, you are my bitch!

I graduated high school this year, the high school I always thought wasn't the place where I belong, but again, maybe the best place I can be. I started going to law school, again, the college I always thought isn't the place where I belong and perhaps that's not going to change until the 3,5 half years to come. I'm so proud of myself because I have survived so many places where I don't belong that I started to think those places are actually the places where I belong but I just couldn't deal with it. I know it's probably too late to ask, but wish me luck here? ;)

At the end of the day, I started to look back, and I promised you last year that we're gonna have so much fun in 2010. Well, guess what? I made it! Or at least I did, and I hope you too. First of all, I travelled back to Europe in autumn, which was dazzling though not as wonderful as summer 2008. Second, I turned 17 and got my ID card, which means I'm legit enough for my own bank account and credit card, though not as far as getting my own visa (that needs no guardian) or getting into a club or whatever.

The not so flattering things come too, like losing best friends because they're moving on with their lives. I suppose I was the one to blame for that, but then again, maybe it's just the same old me: I suck at keeping old friends. I guess that's my only resolution for 2011. I wanna keep my old friends, stop being suck at it while also fighting my insecurities. People think that because I smile and I laugh and I don't seem to have drama in my life, then I'm so carefree and all that. No, baby. Each time I write something I usually hit the Backspace button just because I was insecure. I want you to know that it takes so much courage and bravery to be able to write this and publish it. And that's what I'm working on for next year.

Disappointments keep coming. I'm lucky enough that one of the biggest disappointment of my life happened this year and I had the chance to write it and a friend of mine, who should remain anonymous, told me how he liked the post. He doesn't compliment people a lot and I guess when you receive a compliment from someone who barely ever have a good idea about someone, you're allowed to feel happy. People say what makes a a good writing is when the writer really mean to say it. Well, he said he felt my disappointments and sadness through the writing. Other posts that people say is good are the ones that I write with all my heart, so, thank you guys!

I guess the best line to sum up all that I've learned this year is taken from a romantic movie Serendipity:

"It's not giving up, it's growing up"

I'm taking concrete steps on fighting my insecurities. From now on comments are allowed. I know not that many people would even bother leaving comments here, but again, it takes a courage to do this once again. You may leave comments in any post you like, even the old ones!

So, see you again next year! We're gonna have even more fun, even more joy to be grateful for!

Teenage Dream

4 years from now, when I'm done with my masters degree from LSE, I'm gonna stay in London, spend my spare times watching plays or alone in galleries or museums all around the town or maybe simply working at a small vinyl store in Notting Hill. I'm gonna travel to Paris at holidays and visit art museums. And then there I met you, standing right next to me, staring at the same painting and talk about it over coffees in a small café or cheap champagne in the banks of Seine River. In 24 hours, we'd decided to fall in love.

But maybe you never exist.

Normally, I would post something like this on Tumblr. But since it's been down since yesterday (they say minutes but they mean hours, or probably days) I'm posting it here. It's actually inspired by another post by Ratih, here.

Dear my 16 year old self

Soon you'll realize that, yes, promises are made to be broken. Those pessimists didn't lie. Be prepared to be greatly and utterly disappointed. Keep in mind that you're not the disappointment, and don't blame anybody; things happen for a reason. Just because you suck at math and clueless about calculus doesn't mean you're stupid and wouldn't go to college. You will, just not the college you thought you'll be in, and not the field you think you'd do. Nothing goes as you planned. But you'll learn so much as you move out of home. You'll learn that you can learn to love what you have, since many times, you cannot have what you love. Good luck with college entrance test. You're probably not smart, but you'll get lucky ;)

An Atheist Philosophy Professor Speaking About God With A Christian Student

Professor : You are a Christian, aren't you, son?

Student : Yes, sir.

Professor : So, you believe in GOD?

Student : Absolutely, sir.

Professor : Is GOD good?

Student : Sure.

Professor : Is GOD ALL - POWERFUL?

Student : Yes.

Professor : My Brother died of cancer even though he prayed to GOD to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But GOD didn't. How is this GOD good then? Hmm?

(Student was silent)

Professor : You can't answer, can you? Let's start again, young fella. Is GOD Good?

Student : Yes.

Professor : Is Satan good?

Student : No.

Professor : Where does Satan come from?

Student : From...GOD...

Professor : That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this World?

Student : Yes.

Professor : Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And GOD did make everything. Correct?

Student : Yes.

Professor : So who created evil?

(Student did not answer)

Professor : Is there Sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the World, don't they?

Student : Yes, sir.

Professor : So, who created them?

(Student had no answer)

Professor : Science says you have 5 Senses you use to Identify and Observe The World around you. Tell me, son...have you ever seen GOD?

Student : No, sir.

Professor : Tell us if you have ever heard your GOD?

Student : No, sir.

Professor : Have you ever Felt your GOD, Tasted your GOD, Smelt your GOD? Have you ever had any Sensory Perception of GOD for that matter?

Student : No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.

Professor : Yet you still believe in HIM?

Student : Yes.

Professor : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?

Student : Nothing. I only have my Faith.

Professor : Yes, Faith. And that is the problem Science has.

Student : Professor, is there such a thing as Heat?

Professor : Yes.

Student : And is there such a thing as Cold?

Professor : Yes.

Student : No, sir. There isn't...

(The Lecture Theater became very quiet with this turn of events)

Student : Sir, you can have Lots of Heat, even More Heat, Superheat, Mega Heat, White Heat, a Little Heat or No Heat. But we don't have anything called Cold. We can hit 458 Degrees below Zero

Which is No Heat, but we can't go any further after that.There is no such thing as Cold. Cold is only a Word we use to describe the Absence of Heat. We cannot Measure Cold. Heat is Energy. Cold is Not the Opposite of Heat, sir, just the Absence of it.

(There was pin-drop silence in the Lecture Theater)

Student : What about Darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as

Darkness?

Professor : Yes. What is Night if there isn't Darkness?

Student : You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the Absence of Something. You can have Low Light, Normal Light, Bright Light, Flashing Light... But if you have No Light constantly, you have nothing and its Called Darkness, isn't it? In reality, Darkness isn't. If it is, You would be able to make Darkness Darker, wouldn't you?

Professor : So what is the point you are making, young man?

Student : Sir, my point is, your Philosophical Premise is flawed.

Professor : Flawed? Can you explain how?

Student : Sir, you are working on the Premise of Duality. You argue There is Life and then there is Death, a Good GOD and a Bad GOD. You are Viewing the Concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can't even explain a Thought. It uses Electricity and Magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view Death as the Opposite of Life is to be ignorant of the fact that Death cannot exist as a Substantive Thing. Death is Not the Opposite of Life, just the Absence of it. Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your Students that they evolved from a Monkey?

Professor : If you are referring to the Natural Evolutionary Process, yes, of course, I do.

Student : Have you ever observed Evolution with your own eyes, sir?

(The Professor shook his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the

argument was going)

Student : Since no one has ever observed the Process of Evolution at work and Cannot even prove that this Process is an On-Going Endeavor, Are you not teaching your Opinion, sir? Are you not a Scientist but a Preacher?

(The Class was in uproar)

Student : Is there anyone in the Class who has ever seen the Professor's brain?

(The Class broke out into laughter)

Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's brain, felt it, touched or smelt it?... No one appears to have done so. So, according to the Established Rules of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that you have No Brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?

(The Room was silent. The Professor stared at the student, his face unfathomable)

Professor : I guess you'll have to take them on Faith, son.

Student : That is it sir...Exactly! The Link between Man & GOD is FAITH. That is all that Keeps Things Alive and Moving.

That student was ALBERT EINSTEIN.

I wouldn't miss it for the world

The best scene from "Before Sunrise". I love this movie so much I can't stop smiling. It's the kind of movie I wish the story could happen to me, it's so beautiful and so rare, so... bitter.

You're gonna love it

Charles and Mary Lamb, the siblings who tried to rewrite Shakespeare's plays and narrate it for younger (and, like me, less educated) readers, wrote this book which is actually very helpful for young people who appreciate Shakespearean plays but find his works are too poetic and hard to understand for non native English readers. I read this book, to be honest *sobs* because I can't understand the original plays and because it's the shortened version of them all. They rewrote all the most famous plays, such as Hamlet, Macbeth, Othello, Twelfth Night, As You Like It, A Midsummer Night's Dream, The Tempest, and Romeo&Juliet (duh. Of course). Some plays are long but in the narration it's quiet short and though it loses a bit of the art of reading a Shakespeare tale, but it really does help for Shakespeare-thirsty curious people. If you like drama, romance or tragedy, and you'd like to imagine you were a lord or a lady in Italy, England, France or Greece many centuries ago, this is the book for you. Happy reading!

Rusty Kitty

First thing first.

Russell Brand is the very messy type of guy whom in your first sight of him would think he puts a different girl in a cab every other day and will never, ever settle down for a marriage.

Truth is, he did. I mean, they did.

Well, I didn't really like Russell or Katy. I thought he's too messy and she's too Lady GaGa. But once they coupled up and see what happens? This is what I think love should be: it makes each of the lovers be a better version of who they are. They look so much better together than apart, and life is such a fairytale if you look at it through them.

I imagine Russell isn't always the funny guy we know him to be, maybe the rumours were true; with Katy, he seeks for God and became spiritual and matured up and then finally ready for marriage.

Two things from the last picture. 1) A love like these two share, and 2) That Chanel bag. Please.

oh, one bonus picture! If you go to the same college as me and knows something, you'll probably smile :)

Some people were born with tragedies in their blood

I would like to sit in the middle of a green Irish county, listening to Damien Rice, reading Pablo Neruda poems, drinking cold sparkling water, being completely anonymous

Because of you, in the gardens of blossoming flowers I ache from perfumes of spring

I have forgotten your face, I no longer remember your hands; how did your lips feel on mine?

Elle Vous Aimes, Ouais Ouais Ouais

Vanessa Paradis, you are such a bitch. You get Johnny Depp, you get une fille et un fils. You are a Chanel icon. You are friends with Karl Lagerfeld, he even likes you and made you his muse. You are a very cool singer and actress. You make every dress looks great on you. You wear red lipstick like no other. You live in Paris and spend spare time in St. Tropez. To put it simply, you are amazing. How could there be such a bitch like you?

I was watching her rom-com film Heartbreaker with Romain Duris a few days ago in my lodge room with my one of my best girls and we were like, "Wait a sec!! That's Vanessa Paradis! The woman who got Johnny Depp and has his two kids?! Whoaaaa that bitch!!! Wait. TWO kids? Deux. Two kids and still got that body?! B.I.T.C.H. I want her every dresses here!"

avec Lily-Rose et Jack

Também bate um coração

I miss a lot of things
I miss my old friends, I want them back
I miss the idea of home, because now each time I go back home I couldn't find what I miss
I guess what it really means is I just miss the idea of home, or simply my childhood
I miss being anonymous in a strange city that I've never been before, avoiding bitter truths
I miss sitting on the fresh green grass of a beautiful Londonese park, dolce far niente
I miss being able to dance like no one's watching and sing like nobody's listening, ignoring everything
I miss high school, I miss the times when people arrange everything for you
I miss being a fat kid who loves cake, and nobody reminds me of how much calories I've had
I miss reading such pure and honest books like The Catcher in The Rye or The Perks of Being a Wallflower
I miss spending money on expensive magazines without noticing it'd only end up in dusty piles
I miss the feeling of receiving compliments from strangers, because they're the honest ones
I miss my appreciation towards art and wickedly cool things
I miss the beauty and the chicness that people seem to forget here
I miss the innocent people who encourage me to dream so high, shoot the moon so I'll land among the stars
I miss my imagination
I miss you
I miss us

I need to stop caring and worrying everything that's not mine to care and worry about

Non Arrivederci Roma

You know what idea I had while visiting Fontana di Trevi?

I came back to Rome, riding on a Vespa, enjoying cheap gelato, have pizza margarita lunch, saying grazie and scusi everywhere I go, and doing it all with you.

Everything reminded me of you what can I do?

Citta de Vaticano

London, I knew you so well. One night is not enough, at all! I've had great times with you, and we'll have so much fun next time. There will always be next time for us, I promise.
Paris, I love you. You are so amazing. You are so beautiful and so much fun. You are grande! I wish a much longer time to stay, there are still so many places I wanna see. You never disappoint. And please don't.
Amsterdam, you are the epitome of home to me. You feel so familiar and I like how people treat Indonesians like me. Thank you so much for being a home in a place ten thousand miles away.
Germany, thank God I learned Deutsch for 3 years. Thank God you have one of the most beautiful races in the world. Thank God you're so clean and discipline. God bless your charged toilets. Danke.
Switzerland, you are so peaceful. You are so charming and beautiful. You are so sweet, you have the best chocolates and candies in the world. Keep being amazing. I'll see you soon but maybe not the Alps. I can't stand the cold.
Milano, how do you manage to have so many beautiful, stylish people? Where did you get them all from? Insanely full of living mannequins! And how do you manage to keep me seeing things that remind me of the most memorable Italian so far? I saw via Torino, via Carlo Cattaneo everywhere, like each time I turned my head to see a street sign.... I hate you. Oh no Milano, ti amo!
Venezia, you are so amazing, just you know. You are, and you must know it. But I cried the day I came to you, amore mio. Why is that? Well, at least I learned that promises are made by happy people who were just overwhelmed and thus ready to make any promises. And yet, promises are made to be broken, so don't set your hopes too high. Thank you for making me learn this. Grazie mille.
Roma, I don't get why people are more into Paris than you. Truth is, you are far more interesting. Full stop.
Vatican, you chose the right artist. Michaelangelo is perfect. The art, the architecture is classic but timeless, et c'est ci parfait!

Everything is clearer when you're in love

"It's too much of an important day to think of my birthday - it's all about being there for mum and remembering dad. I try not to think, 'What if?' But it gets hard for me to imagine what life would have been like if he had lived. I just think it's sad that I've never been able to enjoy an adult relationship (with my dad) like I had with my mum and my friends. But I try not to beat my head against the wall asking what could have been. People think I was too young to remember him but there are lots of things I remember about my dad, like him teaching me how to swim, how to use a knife and fork and him rolling up his cigarettes. I remember him telling me about England and promising he'd take me to (his hometown of) Liverpool. But he never did."

Sean Lennon

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOHN, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SEAN

It feels like nothing it ever felt before

"True friends are like diamonds; bright, beautiful, valuable, and always in style." --Nicole Richie

So many friends have left, but this one is the worst. I don't know why, but I guess this is what happens when it comes to your best friend of 6 years and still counting. It's just somehow worse and harder than it's always been. I was sitting alone in my lodge and suddenly this thought came to me: hey,when is this gurl leaving? ooh please, I'd better find out, before suddenly the phone rings and the voice over there saying, "Hey, wazzup? I'm leaving tonight."

Dear friend,

I know I've been a terrible friend for you, but I just wanna let you know, that you're my best. I know I've been ignoring you for some very, very stupid reasons--reasons that you don't deserve, because they're really not worth it. If I were you and I have a friend like me, I'd probably leave her. But you didn't, and that's the most amazing part of you. You didn't just give up on me, no matter how annoying and disappointing I am as a friend.

A little newsflash: I still remember the day we first met; before we were friends and all that. I still remember the way you look that day, at the school mosque. It's amazing how it happened 6 years ago and I never forget, while I tend to keep forgetting things I just heard yesterday. I don't know how I could remember it very clearly, but I wanna let my kids and grandchildren know about this.

I'm still questioning everything, like, why Japan? Why really, why?

But I know you love Japan. And I'm sure you'll love it there. I'm sure you'll have an amazing life waiting for you over there. I'm sure you'll get all the better and all that you deserve; because you deserve the best. I'm sure you'll have amazing friends, amazing experiences, amazing uni... just like I do.

I'm gonna miss your calls so badly. I'm gonna miss your stories, your jokes, your laughs... hopefully I'm still gonna remember your laugh 4 years from now. Hopefully we'd still speak the same languange then, or laugh as hard as we can do today. Hopefully, in the future, I'll see you as we're both on top of the world.

Be good in Japan. Take care of everything. Spend your money wisely as everything is so expensive there. Right, I started to sound like your mom. But really, just don't suck at keeping old friends. Always remember that back home, you'd still got your family, and I'm not going anywhere for the next 4 years, just in case you need a friend and share your cool experiences in Japan :p

I wish you all the best luck in the world. I wish you a much better life. I miss you already.

"...no matter how far we are, we are still under the same sky"

your super extra cool friend for 6 years (and still counting)

Before it all goes to waste, I wanna remember it all

Greetings!

If you ask me how I am, I'm very well, thanks. If you want an update, here's the short one. I'd like to share (in fact, I'd LOVE to. you know I love that kind of activity) but I just wanna say, I've had some of the best moments of the year in the last 20 days, and that's fast. New experiences, nostalgia, new friends, all the sadness and laughs and tears shared with new people, all the secret crushes... everything is so full packed! Just in case you insists to know why, here's some hints:

OBM mates

The girls of voeging: Puspa, Dea, moi et Bela in Bogor

Fingers crossed for all the good things to never end. But if it will, I'll just be thankful it happened and that means it was good.

regards,

your editor in chief

I worry the most about myself when I can’t write a damn single thing.

Because mostly what it means is that I’ve lost all feeling in everything.

source

My thoughts are so offensive it needs rehab

I feel so dope. Dope, dope, dope and emo. I'm listening to Damien Rice just to calm myself down in this cold night. I feel so dope because I get scared a lot. Because I have so much fear in me, it's crazy. I have so much fears that's been ruling my life. I still can't believe of things like "You can't make everyone happy" because I still try to. I can't just write down whatever it is I'm feeling like writing, very unlike this friend of mine. I still believe that we can't just dance like no one's watching, because I know people watch, I know people judge, and it's scary how people do it. Haters gonna hate, and I don't know if anyone ever bother hating me, but I know they'd judge. That's the only thing I know. And many times, people judge way too fast, they judge things they don't really know, they judge things without even bother looking at the big picture. I don't know how many more times I have to bore you by saying how afraid I am of what people think of my writings. I tweet less and less if someone don't tweet me. I delete my tweets even before sending them because I was afraid someone will be hurt, someone will misunderstood. I don't like confrontation. If I could I'd just avoid every provocation or anything like that. I do hate things and people--I have to admit it, I'm done acting saint or sinner, I quit pretending--but to be confronted is just not my style. I don't know when I'm going to realize that none of it matters. I guess it's easier to say that I'm just insecure, and my insecurity overwhelms me. I don't know when I'm going to realize that it's just me being a teenager, that it's only love and hatred and misunderstandings, that there are bigger things out there than just fitting in. That fitting in is a utopia. That in the end, you just want to stand up and be memorable. Enough with fishes in the sea. It's time we get a cat out of a sea. For now, I'll just let Whitey Durham saved me.

"Most of the time the greatest rewards come from doing the things that scare you the most." ~Whitey Durham, One Tree Hill

Words Cannot Hurt Me

If I really had to pick ONE good stuff about Eclipse

When we were five, they asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up. Our answers were things like astronaut, president, or in my case, a princess. When we were ten, they asked again. We answered rock star, cowboy, or in my case, gold medalist. But now that we’ve grown up, they want a serious answer. Well, how about this: who the hell knows? This isn’t the time to make hard and fast decisions, this is the time to make mistakes. Take the wrong train and get stuck somewhere. Fall in love… a lot. Major in philosophy, cause there’s no way to make a career out of that. Change your mind and change itagain, because nothing’s permanent. So make as many mistakes as you can. That way, someday, when they ask again what we want to be, we won’t have to guess. We’ll know.

Jessica Stanley, Eclipse.

Oh boy, look at you, el nino

Jon Kortajarena in A Single Man, played a male hustler that George Falconer refused.

Look at that face, jaw, cheekbones, piercing stares.... everything!

You'll Never Walk Alone

"Here's to the kids.

The kids who would rather spend their night with a bottle of coke & Patrick or Sonny playing on their headphones than go to some vomit-stained high school party.
Here's to the kids whose 11:11 wish was wasted on one person who will never be there for them.
Here's to the kids whose idea of a good night is sitting on the hood of a car, watching the stars.
Here's to the kids who never were too good at life, but still were wicked cool.
Here's to the kids who listened to Fall Out boy and Hawthorne Heights before they were on MTV...and blame MTV for ruining their life.
Here's to the kids who care more about the music than the haircuts.
Here's to the kids who have crushes on a stupid lush.
Here's to the kids who hum "A Little Less 16 Candles, A Little More Touch Me" when they're stuck home, dateless, on a Saturday night.
Here's to the kids who have ever had a broken heart from someone who didn't even know they existed.
Here's to the kids who have read The Perks of Being a Wallflower & didn't feel so alone after doing so.
Here's to the kids who spend their days in photobooths with their best friend(s).
Here's to the kids who are straight up smartasses & just don't care.
Here's to the kids who speak their mind.
Here's to the kids who consider screamo their lullaby for going to sleep.
Here's to the kids who second guess themselves on everything they do.
Here's to the kids who will never have 100 percent confidence in anything they do, and to the kids who are okay with that.
Here's to the kids.
This one's not for the kids,
who always get what they want,
But for the ones who never had it at all.
It's not for the ones who never got caught,
But for the ones who always try and fall.
This one's for the kids who didnt make it,
We were the kids who never made it.
The Overcast girls and the Underdog Boys.
Not for the kids who had all their joys.
This one's for the kids who never faked it.
We're the kids who didn't make it.
They say "Breaking hearts is what we do best,"
And, "We'll make your heart be ripped of your chest"
The only heart that I broke was mine,
When I got My Hopes up too too high.
We were the kids who didnt make it.
We are the kids who never made it."

-Pete Wentz

Sometimes it feels like it was yesterday. We graduated high school, saying goodbye. That feeling that you get at seventeen or eighteen that nobody in the history of the world has ever been this close, has ever loved as fiercely or laughed as hard or cared as much. Sometimes it feels like it was yesterday and sometimes it feels like someone else’s memory.

Lucas Scott, 4 Years, 6 Months, 2 Days

Frog... oh no! Bald Prince!

Perhaps ten years ago, every girl in the world is crushing on this ex-Etonian His Royal Highness for his second-in-line to the throne, gorge face, DNA, status et al. Well, all grown up, except one thing........

his hair.

Photo courtesy by Hollywoodgrind

How far are dreams reached out by people?

It's holiday and it's time to really refresh my mind. I take this chance to start getting in touch with my old friends again--because i really suck in keeping in touch with old friends. It's probably the right time, since class of 2010 everywhere are going to college and we start to wonder everyday, where does my crush go to? And my childhood best friend? Is my bestie from junior high going to the same school as me? Will I meet my future husband in my college? The question goes on forever it's so scary how one can wonder so much. The start of college also raise new goals, new expectations and when you got the school you want, you think you'd reach your dreams. You know, when you think you've survived high school and then you can survive anywhere? Well, as an optimist, I do, believe that I, and you, or I mean we, can survive. We'd reach our dreams. But the questions is, so many people have been in our position before, how many of them actually did make their dreams come true? I don't like to be the one who break it to you, I don't wanna lower your expectations or say, "Don't dream too high!"--but those things happen to me. I broke down when I realised this. I mean... we're 16, 17 or maybe 18. Go ask the elders around you about being 17 and how you're gonna make your dreams come true. They'd say, "Come on, you're 17,"

We're not realistic, we're naïve. Well, maybe some of you think you're not, hey, that's just like me, I believe that I can do anything and I'll survive and I'll be successful... there's no doubt about it. But hey, every 17 year olds do that. Every single person in all of us. But see what's going on today? Great people don't come from the same class. They didn't sit next to each other when they were 17, so maybe, when you're sitting in a classroom, you'd think of yourself, "Oh, I'll be the most successful of them all." but they also think the same. Problem is, there's only one king and the rest will fall. It's like when Americans drill in their people's minds that they're the #1 nation in the world, but so do French, British, German, Indonesian and every country in the world. No one would wanna say, "We're #2 nation in the world!" Everyone wants to win.

It's hard for me to understand what dream really means right now. Don't worry, I still have them, they're important. But does being an adult would kill it? Because that's what adults are trying to tell us, it's good to have a dream, it's important, everyone has to have one. But not all of them can become true. Dreams are sweet. Some of us will get bitter as we get older, because disappointments are bitter and they keep coming in life.

I don't wanna grow up. but I can't wait to see my dreams come true. Sometimes I think Miley Cyrus is the luckiest kid in the world.

this post is written straight after reading Pungky's post, here she's my muse of the month :)

You'll be dancing once again like the pain will end

I admire those people who, after all these rejections and pains and sufferings, can still hold their heads up strong and face everything with smile. I like people whose life isn't always so smooth and easy, because the obstacles are what make them beautiful. I know that smile can't be true, but even if it's not, thank you for keeping your face beautiful with it. Rejections are what make the rest of your life worthwhile. Break a sweat now, while you're still strong and fine and dandy.

But I thought this is my life!

Hi. News flash: I'm officially a law student. In Indonesia. Goddamn. I was thisclose to be journalistic student in Bournemouth or Westminster. This is definitely not the most terrific moment in my life, as there are things with my best friend and people around me who seem to be very controlling or opinionated about me. I mean, can't people stop blaming me about choices that I made?? Can't people PLEASE stop asking me 'why' in every action I'm going to do, because you know what, 'WHY NOT' is being my answer. I thought this is my life and I get to control it, but why is everybody telling me what's what?! Hasn't it ever crossed your mind before that despite how idiotic I am, I'm smart enough to know what I want and what to choose for myself and will be fully responsible and committed to my own choice? I was just sharing with you, I don't need your opinion at all, especially if they just make me doubtful.

Obsession, passion and to-do list

10. Glastonbury Festival

9. Wall Street Journal Columnist

8. 7th Arrondissement apartment

7. Chanel quilted chain bag

6. Memorise Beatles lyrics

5. Read Jane Austen's, F. Scott Fitzgerald's and David Sedaris'

4. Running my own magazine

3. Fluent Français

2. Pay back my daddy's money and buy mommy her dream house

1. Mr. Darcy

what's your you-might-think-i'm-dreaming-but-hell-yeah-i'll-show-you-what-i'm-capable-of list?

Dear you

You are the least person in this world I thought would ever turn this cold and bitter. I learned to open my heart and mind to the world and people from you, basically you changed the way I live. I thought life can't change who you are. I know you're mad at me, but honestly I never ever meant to turn my back on you. I'm sorry I acted like a spoiled brat and have been such a disappointment, I'm so sorry I was never a really good friend to you... but I hope you know that to me, you're my best friend. I hope you know that it upsets me how things changed in 3 years. Honestly if I could turn back time, I would. This isn't me just saying bullshit, this is me telling you the truth. I would turn back time if I could, even if it costs me the results I have right now. Because if you can't stand the pain, I'd take it away and make it my part, not yours. Because who knows I could be stronger than you? I think you still can't see the light in the dark side of this life, and how I tried to help you actually doesn't help, but I can see that light, so give me that, because I can make it better. I don't think you'd read this, but I hope without sweating to read, you can understand that this is how I feel.

How long would she wait for you?

Congratulations, mathlete.

Trees spend all day looking up at God

"So, now you know how badly someone wanted you, Charley. Children forget that sometimes. They think of themselves as a burden instead of a wish granted." -Mitch Albom, For One More Day

Happy mother's day, Mum :)

Oh John

How would you characterize George's, Paul's and Ringo's reaction to Yoko?

It's the same. You can quote Paul, it's probably in the papers; he said it many times that at first he hated Yoko, and then he got to like her. But it's too late for me. I'm for Yoko. Why should she take that kind of shit from those people? They were writing about her looking miserable in the film Let It Be, but you sit through sixty sessions with the most bigheaded, uptight people on earth and see what it's fuckin' like and be insulted. And George, shit, insulted her right to her face in the Apple office at the beginning, just being ``straightforward,'' you know, that game of ``I'm going to be upfront, because this is what we've heard,'' and Dylan and a few people said she'd got a lousy name in New York. That's what George said to her! And we both sat through it. I didn't hit him; I don't know why. Ringo was all right, but the other two really gave it to us. I'll never forgive them, I don't care what fuckin' shit about Hare Krishna and God and Paul with his ``Well, I've changed me mind.'' I can't forgive 'em for that, really. Although I can't help still loving them either.

Do you have a picture of ``when I'm sixty-four''?

No, no. I hope we're a nice old couple living off the coast of Ireland or something like that - looking at our scrapbook of madness.

Of course, John didn't live up to 64 years old. Well, bright stars burn fast.